Looking At Us

55. darrin

When I woke up, I felt wrong. 

     Sasha was squeezed in beside me, her hip crushed to mine, her head on my shoulder. I’d been a while since I’d woken up to see her like this, looking cute and innocent, feeling her hair tickle my neck. But I didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel right. 

     It struck me that Sasha was manipulating me, twisting me so that we could start over and she could rip my heart out once more. After what’d she’d said last night, about ‘cuddling’ with Cody and Cori, I wasn’t sure if I trusted her anymore. I wasn’t sure if I wanted her to control me anymore. 

     ‘‘Darrin?’’ Her eyes fluttered open, blue in this hell. ‘‘Have you been awake long?’’

     I shook my head. My words were caught in my throat. 

     ‘‘Mmm . . .’’ She closed her eyes and leaned in to me, looking for a kiss, wanting to close the gap with her lips to mine—

     It was like someone Tasered me. 

     ‘‘Sasha.’’ I pulled back, scampering away and falling off the bed, whacking my skull on the table as I fell. The floor caught me, a boy that was slack and lightheaded, and the wood was cold. I heard Sasha cry my name, and when I saw her face, I got another Taser attack. 

     ‘‘Stop,’’ I said, sitting up and getting a wave of nausea. ‘‘Don’t. Please, just leave me alone . . .’’

     ‘‘Darrin, do you know who I am?’’

     I stood up and fell back against the wall. ‘‘Yeah. You’re the psychotic girl who I had sex with a million times and felt nothing that meant love. You’re this demon that controlled me and manipulated me. You know what? You’re not even my type. You’re just some girl that I kissed and I fell in love with your body and these late nights that don’t help. Ever since we started ‘dating,’ my ADHD has been getting worse, you know? You possessed me. And I don’t want anything from you anymore.’’

     Oh. My. God. 

     I took a breath, collapsing back on the floor from dizziness, but I didn’t care. It felt so good to get that out of my system, to let her know the truth. I could hear her yelling my name, shaking me, calling for my parents or Cris or anybody to come help me, and that’s when I felt something warm and sticky coming from my skull, but I didn’t care, because I could die knowing that I’d said the truth.