Looking At Us

32. cori

It was funny how, instead of a psychiatrist or a counselor for my issues, I went and saw Cody Spentz. 

     Thursday, after school, I went home and sulked on my bed until my dad brought me dinner. Then, when the sun disappeared and darkness swallowed the town, I shrugged on a toque and my jacket and I started walking. 

     I found Cody in the park a few blocks away. He was shirtless, and he had a bag of stuff beside him on the grass. 

     ‘‘Cori Williams,’’ he said, like he was at my funeral.

     ‘‘Cody Spentz,’’ I replied. ‘‘What’s in the bag? More condoms for Hadley?’’

     ‘‘That,’’ Cody said, ‘‘and magic.’’

     I sat down on the grass, facing him, our legs touching 

     Cody said, ‘‘Weeds.’’

     ‘‘What?’’

     ‘‘Weeds. A television show. Also, drugs. Also in this bag.’’

     ‘’Oh. Did you get these weeds from your special boy-store?’’

     ‘’I did. Try some?’’

     I smiled. ‘‘Sorry. I’m saving myself.’’

     Cody returned the smile. ‘‘For what?’’ 

     ‘’Oh, I don’t know,’’ I replied. ‘‘Someone worth more than you, I guess.’’

     He laughed. The sound echoed around the park. 

     ‘‘You’re a mysterious girl,’’ he said, leaning closer to me. ‘‘Dangerous.’’

     ‘‘Says the guy with the weed.’’

     Again Cody laughed. ‘’So, what’s up with you, Cori Williams?’’

     ‘‘Megan and Cris are together,’’ I said. 

     ‘‘Really?’’ he asked, surprised but not really surprised. ‘‘Who told you?’’

     I frowned. ‘‘Erick Lockhart.’’

     I told him about the awkward conversation during lunch. I’d seen Erick hanging around with Sasha and Darrin. Darrin was glaring at Erick, but Sasha grinned and sat beside him; I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was some sort of history between them. 

     And then Erick followed Sasha up to me and he said, ‘‘Cris and Megan are dating.’’

     Sasha backed him up, explaining how they’d watched Cris taking Megan home from his place, and how he’d kissed her in his truck. Again, I caught that flash of history between the two of them. 

     I hadn’t had any time to think about this until now. 

     Cody said, ‘’If Sasha’s backing up some candy-ass like Erick, she could just be trying to humiliate him or something. The kid has a huge crush on Megan, you know.’’

     ‘‘He’s done something with Sasha,’’ I said, frowning harder. ‘‘There’s—there’s a connection between them, but I don’t know what it is.’’

     I looked back up at Cody, who was now puffing on a weed between his lips. The smoke pressed against his unclothed chest, giving it a glistering effect that made me want to rest my head against him and breathe in his hazy scent. 

     Cody scooted closer and held out his weed. ‘‘Give it a shot.’’

     ‘’No, thanks.’’

     ‘‘C’mon. Just one blow.’’

     ‘‘I’m not blowing anything.’’

     Cody smirked, thought it was a very nice smirk. ‘‘Are you sure?’’ he asked. 

     ‘‘Yes, I’m sure.’’ The wind rushed through my coat, so I pulled it tighter across my arms. 

     Cody moved closer to me, impossibly close, and his hand on my thigh and his lips at my ear. He whispered, ‘’So would you be able to blow my dick instead?’’

     Shivers rolled down my spine. God, this boy was seductive. And as much as I wanted to, as much as I needed him to distract me, I realized that my life would shatter if I allowed Cody to debauch me. He would take me home and give me the best night of my life that would probably involve weed and alcohol, and I would wake up with a hangover, bruises, and absolute guilt for what had absorbed me. Cody would intoxicate me, but he would also destroy me. 

     Desperation and exhaustion took over my body, and I leaned on Cody’s chest. He put his arms around my middle and nuzzled his face into my neck. 

     ‘‘You’re a seductive bastard,’’ I whispered. 

     Cody replied, ‘’I am absolutely in love with you, Cori Williams.’’

     The temperature outside dropped several degrees as the night grew old, and my dad texted me, telling me to come home, and Cody breathed on my skin, in and out, as he rubbed the scars on my wrist, and finally kissed me, his lips soft on mine, his adolescent stubble brushing my cheek. I could taste the smoke off his tongue and his body, and even though he didn’t go any further than tracing circles inside my shirt and dragging his mouth across my jawline, I allowed myself to relax as Cody eased the stress out of me.  

     I am absolutely in love with you, Cori Williams. 

     I whispered, ‘‘Cody.’’

     ‘‘Yeah?’’ He turned and pressed his lips against my temple, his hands caressing my shoulders. 

     Words—incomprehensible but yet completely understandable words—rang out across the park. Words that were not mine or Cody’s, but yet belonged to someone unmistakable. 

     They were: ‘‘Cris, my parents are going to kill me if they find out I’m here.’’

     Cody turned his head away from me like the sound disgusted him.

     I said, ‘’It looks like we’re not the only ones here.’’