Looking At Us

15. megan

In my family, I was the youngest. Out of everyone. All my cousins were at least a year older than me, my sister was going to graduate this year, and I had no younger kids to look after. 

     Except for Jari. 

     He was two years old, and he had soft blond hair, sapphire eyes, and a little birthmark on his cheek. He loved the movie Finding Nemo. When he said my name, he said it like, ‘‘May-an,’’ without the G. Jari (pronounced YAW-ree) was the typical two-year-old everyone wanted to babysit. 

     His parents lived in the apartment next to us: Cole and Amanda. Whenever they went out for dinner, I looked after Jari. Whenever he was upset, they brought him to me. I was his older sister, his cousin, his babysitter, and I loved the kid like nothing else.   

     As soon as I hung up my conversation with Shain, the door opened and I heard a shriek, followed by the little patter of footsteps towards my room. Jari emerged, eyes bright and excited, his hair sticking up in all directions. 

     He said, ‘‘May-an!’’ He’d been teething again.

     I picked him up in my arms and carried him back downstairs to where Amanda was chatting with my mom. Like me, she was wearing shorts, even though my mom argued that it was only twelve degrees Celsius outside. 

     ‘‘It’s so incredibly warm out,’’ Amanda countered. 

     I nodded. Jari squirmed in my arms. ‘‘Yes.’’ 

     Footsteps came from further in the house. ‘‘Are you kidding? It’s so freaking cold.’’ 

     I turned and watched as my sister grabbed her coat and purse, dressed in heavy jeans, boots, and a scarf. Harper was three years older than me, almost four, which meant that she was graduating and going to an engineering college in the fall. The only things we had in common was the fact that we were both tall and we had the same eye color.

     ‘‘Harper, you’re going to get heatstroke with all that on,’’ Mom said. 

     I set Jari down. ‘‘It’s okay. She needs it to warm her cold heart.’’

     Harper picked up Jari, forgetting my insult for a second as she ruffled his uncombed hair. ‘‘Fine, then,’’ she told me. ‘’I guess I won’t get Drew to make you a milkshake.’’

     ‘‘Okay, I’m sorry! Chocolate, please?’’

     Jari said, ‘‘Coc-coc?’’ which was his way of saying ‘chocolate’. 

     I cracked up. Amanda and my mom grinned nervously, but Harper stared us down. Of course; she’d be eighteen in a month. She was too mature for this. 

     ‘‘Say hi to Drew for me,’’ I added, taking Jari from her. ‘‘And tell him that he’s an asshole.’’

     ‘‘Megan!’’ my mom snarled. ‘‘Language. Especially around Jari.’’ 

     Harper tossed her ebony hair back over her jacket and grabbed her keys. She said, ‘‘Keep an eye on Pico for me,’’ before she left the room. 

     ‘‘Pico!’’ Jari squirmed until I let him down on the floor, looking around for Harper’s puppy, but Pico was up in Harper’s bedroom. 

     I exhaled deeply and followed Jari down the hall. ‘‘She just has to be so mature, so perfect,’’ I muttered. ‘‘Good looks, hot boyfriend who makes milkshakes, the best school for her future, cute little puppy, expensive clothing . . .’’ 

     ‘‘Megan,’’ Amanda called, ‘‘you’re talking to yourself. Again.’’ 

     I looked back at her and said nothing, feeling oddly rebellious and depressed at the same time. Sometimes, at home, I didn’t know who I was. 

     Harper’s door was unlocked, so I opened it for Jari and we padded into her bedroom. The walls were a muted purple color. Her bed was neatly made, and her homework papers were organized on her desk. The curtains were open, overlooking the trees behind the residence. 

     Jari shrieked with laughter as Pico bounded up to him. He was a Patterdale Terrier with fur the color of shadows and inky eyes, barely as tall as Jari’s waist. Pico sniffed Jari and Jari patted his head, giggling when the dog licked his fingers. 

     I stared around Harper’s bedroom. There was a bulletin board above her desk filled with pictures from sleepovers, field trips, and any other activity she had enjoyed with her friends. I recognized Emily Domnall with her long red hair, and also Rogan Strong, Hadley’s older brother. The others were nameless to me, except for one more. 

     Drew Cantle, Harper’s boyfriend, was a fresh graduate and worked at a place that made delicious milkshakes, and she had a separate section of his photos. He had dark,  hair and frosty blue eyes. He was about two inches taller than Harper. One of his front teeth was slightly crooked. 

     In the largest picture, he was kissing my sister on the cheek, and her eyes were closed like this was the best thing in the world and she had all the time to enjoy it. In another photo, Drew held her like he was savoring the moment of his fingers on Harper’s skin. Like nothing else could compare to it. 

     It made me think of Cris and Cori. Of Darrin and Sasha. Even of Shain and her old boyfriend, Levon, as they held each other before parting ways. 

     I looked at Harper’s lips on Drew’s jaw, and my heart throbbed painfully. 

     It wasn’t like I’d never had a boyfriend before. When I was thirteen, a boy named Zack said goodbye to me with a kiss after we’d hung out for most of the summer. And a few months after that, Spencer King asked me out and we dated for a couple weeks. I had been loved before. But I missed it so badly. 

     I felt a tugging on my hand and looked down. Jari’s sapphire eyes peered up a me, Pico sniffing around his ankles. 

     ‘‘May-an sad?’’ he asked. 

     Consciously, I grinned, and I picked him up. He pointed at a picture of Harper and Drew on the beach together. 

     ‘‘Happer?’’ he said.

     I nodded. ‘‘That’s right, Jari. That’s Harper.’’ 

     Jari pointed to Drew. 

     ‘‘That’s Drew,’’ I added, my voice quiet. ‘‘Him and Harper—they’re in love, buddy. They really like each other.’’

     I doubted a two-year-old knew what it meant to be in love, but Jari gave me a toothy grin and waved his fists around. 

     ‘‘Happy!’’ he shrieked. 

     I laughed. ‘‘Happy! That’s right. They’re happy, ‘cause they’re in love. Just like I love you, buddy.’’ 

     Jari squealed with laughter as I tickled him, and he squirmed from my arms to join Pico the dog. Pico barked; I scratched his ears, and Jari patted his head energetically. 

     There was a buzz in my pocket: a text from Cris. 

     Smile, ‘cause you’re beautiful, and someone out there is crazy for you, and life is too short to be unhappy. 

     Pico licked Jari’s face, and he screamed with laughter. I texted back:

     You’ve been searching quotes online again, haven’t you?

     Cris said: You know me extremely well. 

     And I replied: 

     I do.