Frozen Love (A Castle Fanfiction)

Say Goodbye

Weeks had passed. We'd only told a select couple of people our news. Alexis knew, Lanie knew and the boys knew. Neither of us had felt comfortable telling out parents yet, but soon that wouldn't be a choice. I was starting to show obvious symptoms and it was hard to just be in his loft without feeling the constant reminder that we were keeping secrets. I hadn't yet decided what I wanted to do about us, but I figured that we had nearly nine months to see what happened between us. If we gave it a bit more time, I'd probably feel better about all of this.

The only problem was that that wasn't our biggest problem. My mother's case had resurfaced and somehow I was now being told by Esposito and Ryan that Montgomery was our third cop while I was standing in an airport hanger, talking with him. Well- he was talking at me, trying his best to explain to me what went down the night he "accidentally" shot that man. He was trying to justify to me what he'd done. He was trying to tell me that he'd worked so hard at his job to find killers and put them behind bars as a penance. He was trying to convince me that he was different, but he was just like the rest of them. And now he was trying to tell me that he was just trying to protect me all these years.

There was only one question I had for him. "Did you kill my mother?"

"No, that was years later. But she died because of what we did that night." He spoke as though this was just a simple story. To me, this was still one of the men responsible for everything that I'd been through.

I didn't hesitate to ask, "Then who killed her?"

"I don't know how, but somehow he'd figured out what we'd done," he said, avoiding the question, trying to keep this man from me. "He could have turned us all in, but instead he demanded the ransom money. He took that money to become what he is and God forgive me, but that may be my greatest sin." Even as he stepped toward me all I could think about was the fact that I was a target. I was in danger. They didn't hesitate in killing those who threatened them, and I was probably their biggest threat yet. Still, I needed a name.

I took a step toward him and told him, "Give me a name. You owe me that, Roy."

Then, as though my life meant anything to him, he had the audacity to say, "No, Kate, I know you. I give you a name, you'll run straight at him. I might as well shoot you where you stand."

I snapped, but maintained a level tone. "That's why you brought me here, isn't it? To kill me?" By the time this was out of my mouth, I was inches away from him.

He countered, "No, I brought you here to lure them."

I was slightly taken back. "You baited them?"

"And now they're coming," he explained. We both looked to see a car moving in the distance. "I need you to leave. They're coming to kill you and I'm not going to let them. I'm going to end this."

Loyalty overcame me along with a need for vengeance. "I'm not going anywhere, sir."

He looked me dead in the eyes. "Yes you are." He then raised his voice slightly and said, "Castle, get her out of here." As I turned behind me to find him, he stepped into the light and revealed himself. I didn't want him anywhere near this. I didn't want him to get hurt, but I knew what was going to happen before it began. He would never let anything happen to me or the baby. I was about to be forcibly removed, but not with out some form of a fight.

He came closer and his hand came to rest on my shoulder. Rick had tried to argue, but Montgomery had shut him up. I begged, "Captain, please, just listen to me. You don't have to do this." Rick whispered my name as his arm stroked mine and tried to pull me back. I pulled away. "No, please. No, sir. I forgive you. I forgive you."

His face was oddly serious and stern, prepared and determined. "This is my spot, Kate," he said. Tears began to well up in my eyes as I knew exactly what he meant. "This is where I stand." I was desperate to have him live. We all knew that if he stayed he was going to die, but he was ready. I wasn't. He called Castle's name again, calling him to do his job.

"No, no, please, sir, listen to me, you don't have to do this," I fought as hard as I could.

He was determined. "Castle, get her out of here, now!" I continued to try to get him to leave, but he didn't. I tried to get out of Rick's hold on me as he carried me away, but I was too weak and he was too strong. I kicked and twisted every way I could, begging to be put down, begging to help in any way I could, but he wouldn't let me. As he carried me out the back door and into the parking lot, I realized that all hope was lost. My body became wrecked with tears as I shook from pain. He held me against a car, covering my mouth and stroking my hair back, trying his best to silence me, but he couldn't. He did everything he could to calm me, but I was too far gone.

Gunshots rang through the building, six in a row, then three, then one. Each of them filled me with more and more despair. I couldn't be sure, but when the final shot went off, Rick's grip on me loosened and I was free to run in. I was free to rush into the dimly lit airport and find my Captain's body lying on the floor face up. Something in me told me he could still be alive as I rushed toward him. Something couldn't process his death. I couldn't be sure he was dead, until I was sure. Moments after I reached him, Rick reached me. Sorrow coursed through every fiber of my being, but Rick was still uncertain about my safety. Still, he came to the ground and grabbed onto me, keeping me from having to face the corpse of yet another loved one.

In his arms I sobbed in such a way that my lungs ached and my heart raced. In his arms, I wept at the loss of a mentor and friend. Castle did everything he could to sooth me. He did everything he could to help me be alright. But I couldn't be. My captain's remains were laying lifeless on the pavement. He died to protect me. He died to save me.

And now here I was, standing at a podium, reading off a speech I'd written to commemorate him. Here I was, standing before his family, doing my best to forget that I was the reason they lost this man. As I read to the group, I did my best to be as ignorant of my feelings as possible. Rick stood to my right as I continued on. The only words that rang true enough to me as I said them aloud to take me back were, "...And if you're lucky enough, you'll find someone to stand with you." This was the one line I'd had no idea why I put in the speech, but then I remembered just by looking at Rick.

I remembered everything Roy did for me. I remembered everything he'd done to keep me not only alive but happy and thriving. Over everything else he did for me, the best thing he did was force me to get to know Rick. The one thing I would never forget that he did for me was what he was still doing. He gave me love again. He gave me a crack in the wall that had built around my heart which slowly toppled it in. He gave a future. Remembering that, looking at Rick for just a moment, my heart became his as our baby became everything to me.

Then, I looked back out into the crowd and stared into the sea of men and women who'd been lucky enough to have their lives touched by my captain. And as I continued with my speech, I looking into the eyes of each of them. All were watching as I spoke of his greatness. All were watching as Rick called out my name.

"Kate!" he screamed and shot toward me. Just as he did, the sound of a gunshot burst out into the cemetery and a heavy impact came to my body. Rick and I fell to the ground with a heavy blow. Everyone panicked and voices came from every direction. It quickly dawned on me that I had been the target. Even more quickly, it dawned on me that my chest ached and my blood was soaking the white glove I wore with the uniform. I'd been shot in the chest. I'd been shot in the heart.

Shock over came me as my body began to run cold. Castle clung to me and held me tight as all around us, people ducked down but watched. Looking straight into his eyes he begged the way I had so few days ago. "Kate," he cooed, hushing me as I struggled for air, "Kate, please. Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me, please. Stay with me, okay?" As he tried to keep me awake, my body began to fail. My vision blurred along the outer rims and all I could actually make out was his face. I began to drift. My body began to melt away. I was failing myself the way I'd nearly failed myself in the freezer. As he held my head and tried to keep me looking at him, he whispered, "Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate." Just as he finished this, my body gave in to what had happened and I drifted off into the subconscious world.