Frozen Love (A Castle Fanfiction)

Life Goes On

A week had passed since I'd been in to see Rick. I- I couldn’t go back there after I left. Just thinking about going back and having to see him the way he was made my stomach churn. About the only thing I'd done was care for my son, laying around the loft, keeping myself busy when my thoughts got too real. His face was everywhere I looked. Being in the loft and taking its toll on me, but I had to stay. I had to be with Alexis.

Her grandmother was not dealing with the situation in any way. When we were at the hospital, I thought she was fine, I thought she'd stay strong and deal with her emotions. I was more concerned about Alexis doing something stupid than I was with Martha. But I was wrong. Martha came home late that night, drunk beyond comprehension and draped around a familiar bar tender's shoulder. Luckily she'd gone to the Old Haunt and not some random bar that Rick didn't own.

She hadn't been sober since, and there was nothing I could really do about it. I just simply told her that if she was going to drink that much, she needed to stay the he'll away from my son. She was pretty understanding and stayed in her room most of the day watching sope oparas at outrageously loud volumes.

All I could remember overtime she hobbled up and down those stairs was the only sober thing she said to me the morning she woke up. "The swelling Ian worse than they expected and it doesn't seem to be going down. They feel as though we should prepare ourselves for moving him into a permanent facility."

Like I said, it had been a week. They did two more M.R.Is after this and insisted that even though the swelling was reducing, he was showing no signs of recovery. They told us simply that the only reason they weren't discharging him and putting him in an institute was because the drugs they were giving him gave him emotional instability which in these kinds of situations could lead to rage. Until he was off of them, no institute would take him in. Not one that we were willing to put him in anyway.

The boys had gone to visit Castle a couple of times this week. Atfer the first and very brief visit, Ryan thought bringing in a movie he'd seen a million times might be a good way to be able to distract him for a while. It worked, but they struggled with not talking to him the way they usually did. And although the movie kind of distracted him enough where he wasn't talking every five minutes, he'd occationally look over at one of the photos beside his bed and ask about the baby and I or why none of us were there. Eventually they just moved the pictures and then asked a nurse to put them back when they left.

When Ryan and Jenny came to visit me, they didn't really do much talking. Actually, they literally came in and the very first thing Ryan said to me was, "The baby sitters are here." After that they basically came in and said Alexis and I should get out of the house for a while. They'd stay and watch Brayden and Lex and I could clear our heads. I didn't leave though. I couldn't leave Brayden. They understood and just told me I could go nap while they coddled him. I agreed and woke up a few hours later when I could hear Brayden crying for his dinner.

After that the conversation mostly revolved around me wanting to know how the casses I'd left to them were going. One closed the way I thought it would and the other was still open. I had a feeling when I got that case that it might just be random gang violence, although I hated writing that on reports. This kid was a gang member and killed on the other gang's turf. It wasn't exactly an improbability. After I was caught up on work, Ryan and Jenny and I made a bit more small talk over a dinner I made and they were gone.

Lanie and Javi visited the next day, but Lanie didn't stay long. After dinner she said she was suddenly not feeling well so she left in hopes that she could keep the baby from getting sick. Esposito stayed and chatted for quite a while with me about the situation here. Honestly, there wasn't much to talk about, but he told me that if I needed to vent there was no judgement coming from him. I didn't get too terribly into anything as to avoid getting all wishy-washy and weak. Javi understood and didn't push, but just talked with me while I let Brayden sleep in the basinet. By the time I realized it was a Thursday night and Espo would have to work in the morning, it was two A.M and the baby was crying for his midnight feeding.

Alexis was a massive help over all of this time. Every day when she got home from school she volunteered to take Brayden for an hour or two and allowed me to sleep. He wasn't awake much and I wasn't really exhausted, but without Rick in the bed with me, I was struggling to sleep at all. I couldn't really think about anything anymore without thinking of Castle. I couldn't even look at Brayden without thinking of him, but I didn't let it bother me much. I just coddled Brayden all day everyday and watched T.V or stayed busy.

Like I said a week had passed and I hadn't gone back to the hospital. Not until I got a call from the doctors saying Rick had relapsed back into a coma and it wasn't looking good. The moment I got the call, I dressed Brayden in the Smurfs onsie Castle bought for him and was out the door with Martha. My thoughts came ot Alexis and I immediately called her school to tell them I was picking her up. She was about a five minute drive opposite the hospital, but I didn't care. Castle would want to see her and she would want to see him, so we came as quickly as possible.

There wasn't much talking on the car ride there. Alexis was scared out of her mind and simly stared out the window in the back seat. Martha was drunk off her ass and just wallowing in self pitty beside me, wordless for once in her life. I kept my focus forward and one the road, staring into the flow of traffic and cursing my weakness for not seeing him when I could have. Now I could be losing him and I would forever have to live with the guilt that in his time of need I had let him down. I was so scared for him. All I could think about was how scared he must have been in that hospital with no one beside him as he slowly got worse and worse until he lost consciousness and slipped into the black abyss, alone and frightened.

When we rushed up to meet the doctors outside of his room, he stood there with a sorrowful face as Ryan stood outside the doors, holding Jenny and crying into her shoulder. Whatever this was, whatever news he had for us, it was crushing. I knew it the moment he looked into my eyes and it was confirmed when Ryan's gaze fled mine the moment he saw me. All I coulddo was listen and wait as the man in navy scrubs looked at the three of us and simply said, "I'm sorry."