Frozen Love (A Castle Fanfiction)

Give In

At home, things were quiet. After that little blow up in the Conference room, I'd pushed my boundaries for the remainder of the day. By the time we got home, Rick was fighting back every instinct he had. He didn't want to fight, at least not in front of Brayden, which was why I insisted on holding him for the entire night, whether I was feeding him or not. Yes, I knew it was kind of manipulative, but I didn't want to get into this with him. My mind was made up. I wouldn't stop. Not until I was sure my son was safe.

Rick didn't bring it up even after ten. Brayden was asleep against my chest and I was half asleep with him in my arms. Being just as exhausted as I was, he told me, "You should go to bed."

"Hmmm?" I hummed in question.

He told me again, "You should go to bed, put Brayden down. You both need your sleep." To that, I took in a heavy breath and traveled back to the bedroom, doinng my best not to wake B. When I got back there, I leaved over the crib and laid him in it, moving toward the bathroom to change before going back to bed. About ten minutes after I came out of the bathroom, I realized Rick wasn't on his way in. I tried not to think about it. I knew he was mad. I knew he probably just didn't want to sleep next to me. But- I couldn't sleep. I couldn't go to bed knowing he was angry. I- had to fix this.

Out in the front room, Castle sat staring into the screen of his laptop, surfing through some nonsense which lit his face up white and black. When his pale eyes found mine, he returned to his screen, sighed deeply and shut his lid. He sucked in air as he let down his laptop onto the couch and asked, "What do you want, Kate?"

I could feel his hostility, but an aching overwhelmed my annoyance at him. "I just- wanted to know why you aren't coming to bed."

He laughed at himself and put his head in his hands before pulling his face out and stretching his skin slightly. "What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you that I'm not coming to bed? Fine. I'm not coming to bed. You want to know why I'm not coming to bed? Fine. I don't want to say something stupid to you because I'm so near you and get into a fight with you on what could very possibly be your last night on earth the way you're going. I would rather live regretting for eternity that I denied myself the ability to hold you for one more night than I would tell you something awful because I was too furious to think straight."

"Castle-," I tried.

"No, Kate. Stop. I don't care. I don't care about your reasons for doing this. I don't care what you have to say about this. All I care about is you and our son. All I care to hear come out of your mouth is the promise that you won't leave our son motherless and that is an impossible request for me to make of you, apparently. You've made that perfectly clear. If you don't see that you're more than your mother's murder, that you have people who need you, that I would willingly die for you, Kate, then I don't know how to convince you to stop. I would spend my life trying to prove to you that you are the most amazing woman in the world and you are so much more than you realize. I love you, Kate, but I can't just pretend like you throwing your life away isn't killing me from the inside out. I can't pretend like you aren't being so reckless that the thought of being helpless in trying to convince you that you have more than you can or should ever throw away isn't destroying me from the inside out."

I didn't know what to say. I was silenced. For a moment, I just watched him. I couldn't move. I couldn't think straight. All I could do was watch him. Then, highlighted by the shadows and lighting in the room, I caught a glimpse of a remaining scar from the car crash turned between his ear and his cheek. In this moment, the simple fading scar brought back every memory from those moments when I thought I was losing him. I could picture every nightmare, I could recall every aching moment of time that passed where all I could do was wish for him to appear, completely fine and well. I could envision every thought I had of his passing and having to live forever without him, raising our child alone, never being able to hold him again. I could see every one of those fears mirrored in his eyes and in his body.

Finally, my answer became clear. "Alright."

His brow reacted in the same shock his mouth did. "Alright?"

I smiled. "Yes," I said simply. "I spent my whole life being defined by my mother's murder. I- I let that drive everything I was and everything I could ever be. But- now I can't just be that woman who couldn't move past that one unsolved case. I'm not just Johanna Beckett's daughter. I mean, we're getting married. I have a son. I can't afford to just think of myself. I have to think about my family now and- you're right, I can't keep going."

He smiled and huffed a breath of relief. I could see the weight of the world lifting off of his shoulder. I could see his grief and angst disperse and his eyes lighten to the sky blue tint they should be. I didn't really know what to do or what to say. Thank God he spoke first. "Are you sure about this?"

"Never been more sure of anything," I told him honestly. He laughed and somehow we ended up in each other's arms. We took each other in, latching onto one another with a mutual need for comfort from one another. He gripped me as tightly as I gripped him. After a few moments of holding each other, our lips were lured to each other just as furiously. Our mouths gaped and latched onto each other. By the time his hand slipped beneath my pants and thong, I had suddenly noticed that we were lying on the couch. I had no remorse stripping him of his clothes just as he had no grievance in stripping me of mine. As each of us allowed the other to share in the pleasureful moments we were creating, we shared more deeply in each other's desire. Eventually, after a long, drawn out period of teasing, Castle finally found the opening to my inner most glee. We moved together with fire. With lust. With need for each other until finally he and I peaked. A flood poured into me as we basked in the moment and powered through the crippling intensity of one another's hold. Finally the moment died and he vacated me.

After a while, we slid back to the bedroom, being sure to clean the mess we'd made in order to keep from scarring his daughter with implications of our actions. With everything clean, we came together and held each other tight as we clung to each other in the night. I gripped him, he cradled me and both of us shared in the closeness we felt to each other. Shortly before I drifted off in his arms, I told him softly, "I love you, Rick."

"I love you too, Kate," he cooed truthfully. This sediment warmed me and allowed me to drift away in peace. If only this serenity would last, for tomorrow, tonight's sweet essence would become a bitterness neither of us could have mildly suspected.

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I'm so sorry. I know this is not only short, but it's been a while. I swear, I will update at least two more times this week. I swear. Thank you so much for reading. Thank you for sticking with this story. You all are the best. LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! THANK YOU!!!