Frozen Love (A Castle Fanfiction)

Steps To Overcome Fear

A.N: I don't know what it is about this book, but I can't stop writing it. Seriously. I've tried going back to other stories and taking a break, but I can't. So here is another chapter and it probably won't be the last one today. Enjoy and I hope you all are enjoying reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. :)

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Pain seared through my chest, burning viciously and sucking out every ounce of warmth I had. Rick's face stared down at me, begging me to stay with him and stay awake. My body began to slip through the cracks in his arms and I could feel myself falling. My arms flung up to grab hold on him and keep myself from falling in. As I clung to him with all his might, he continued to tell me, "Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me." Seconds seemed like hours as I held him as close to me as I could. Looking into his face, I did my best to do as he asked, but my arms were slipping away.

He kept hold of me, but while he stared into my eyes and did his best to hold on, he and I both knew I was going to fall. His neck and face began to melt away as my body went cold. Drips of his melted flesh began to fall on my face and arms. As his head became a thick pool of gunk and fell to the ground around me, my arms slipped off what was left of his neck. I was falling into blackness. I was falling into death.

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Shock over came me as the image bore itself into my mind. My body shot up and a gasp of air was all I had left to keep me alive. My chest ached. My head reeled. I couldn't get rid of that image. The cold rush of wind from the chill of the morning air mingled with the sweat that had built along my forehead and my arms. This hadn't been the first time I had that nightmare, but every time I had it, I got more and more freaked out.

Still, I knew how to calm myself. I didn't even try to close my eyes again and I didn't stay in bed. Castle wouldn't be up for a couple of hours as it was only four thirty A.M so I didn't bother trying to call. I left my bedroom and shut the door behind me, stepping in to the kitchen and getting myself a diet, caffeine free Coke. I couldn't have Scotch, which would have been my go to, and I couldn't have caffeine which would have at least calmed my nerves, so I drank Coke. The bubbly, fizzy drink generally helped the morning sickness subside for a short while, but in an hour or so I'd be hovering over a trash can or the toilet, holding back my hair and retching into it.

I so badly wanted to get out of the city for a weekend. My father had invited me up to the cabin, but I couldn't go. I had doctor's appointments for the baby and physical therapy that I couldn't do on my own. If I wasn't pregnant and I didn't have to worry about those appointments as well, I would have gone, but there was nothing worse than being nauseous for the entirety of an hour long car ride. Castle had offered to take me up to the Hamptons where I would be able to get distance from the city but also see a local physical therapist. He said we could drive during the evening when I was asleep so that I wouldn't have to suffer the trip. I wanted to say yes, but something told me to stay. I don't know why, but the more I was away from the precinct, the more I thought about him and the less I opened up to him.

At first I wouldn't have hesitated to call him. Like he said, he didn't care what time it was, day or night he'd be there. He just wanted to be sure I was alright. Now I only called when I knew he was awake and I rarely told him to come over right away. In the past two weeks, I'd only called him urgently once and it was simply because a gunshot went off and I could feel the Scotch calling my name. I'd intentionally ran out of my apartment and let it locked just so that I couldn't get in and I couldn't get to my wallet that day. Rarely did I not have complete control over that impulse, but when I didn't I knew how to handle myself.

I'd been gone for about two months now and felt generally alright. The sound of gunfire bothered me only when I couldn't see the source of it and I'd stopped jumping at every little noise that sounded even sort of like gunfire. I was physically capable of going back now and my heart had made a nearly full recovery. I no longer felt shame every time I looked at the scars on my body nor did I feel the need to keep Rick away from them. Like I said, on rare occasions I felt the urge to drink and on even rarer occasions (as in three time since the incident) did the fact that I was pregnant not fully deter me from acting on those impulses. I felt I was ready to go back to work. Now all I needed to do was pass the psych evaluation that I was taking today.

As we'd planned it, Castle came by around seven. By then I'd tried to eat and rejected the food, so Castle didn't have anything to worry about. I'd showered and gotten dressed and so had he so we mostly just sat on the couch and watched some early morning show on TNT like we always did. While he sat on the far side of the couch, I laid across and rested my head in his lap. When I got hot again and took off the jacket I'd been wearing, he looked at me strangely and then said, "You're showing."

My eyes kind of searched his face for a meaning behind these words before I put it together. Looking down I couldn't tell if it was just simple bloating or whether I'd begun to show below the waistline. I had to know so, with a smile on my face, I rushed into my bedroom and looked into the tall mirror I had in the corner. He followed me in and waited in the doorway as I looked for myself. He was right. My stomach had started the become a bit harder and extended lower than just simple bloating. Delight filled my face as I looked at the baby growing inside me. He came up behind me and put out his arms which I took from behind me and wrapped in front of me directly on top of what we'd done. "Fourteen weeks, Castle," I said softly. "It's been fourteen weeks."

He smiled and gazed at the reflection of our hands across my belly. "You know, in a couple of weeks we could find out if it's a girl or a boy," he lightly reminded me. My playful smile grew and so did his. As the playfulness settled and I became entranced by him, I closed my eyes and let my head lightly fall into his chest. While we stood together, he gently rocked back and forth in a soothing sway that was as light as the breeze. My hand came up to lightly touch his cheek as I stayed comfortably in his hold. His arms and one of my warmed my core as we stayed pressed to one another for a while.

I felt absolutely safe in his arms. Having him near me, being able to feel his skin as he was pressed against me, smelling his light fragrance that only he could give off, I was at peace in his arms. "Castle," I barely sung in a hushed coo, "I love you."

His light response mingled in the air and lingered. "I love you too, Kate. Always." For a while longer we stayed like this. I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms forever. I didn't ever want him to let go. But the world didn't stop for us completely in this moment. Eventually I spun around and face him, wrapping my arms around his neck and looking into his crystal blue eyes I called home. He told me what I didn't want to tell him. "You have an appointment to get to."

Softly, not wanting to have to say what I did, I agreed, "I do." His smile was radiant in his simple amusement. In his joy, I couldn't help but smile back. This was perfect in my eyes. It didn't matter to me whether we were married or not, whether we'd been together for a simple matter of months or not, this right here is where I found my happiness. Holding him, looking into his eyes, knowing everything that was about to happen and how our lives were going to change for the better, I couldn't be more happy. This was my perfection. This was my home.