halfway happy | fillie

> loser

{ you're a loser, she just can't remember that. }

millie flounced out of the doors, happiness filling her.

she was happy again. kind of.

halfway happy.

she didn't remember so many things. and she pretended that she did, and she worked harder then before.

"mills!"

her head jerked up, and she let gasped as she spotted jacob.

"you didn't tell me you were coming!" she walked over to him, a frown on her face.

"yeah. i wanted to surprise you."

she held his hand as they walked away, swinging their arms between them. ever since finn had confused her that night, and everyone had pressured her into making decisions she didn't want to make, she talked to jacob once he introduced himself, and he was nice. nice. he wasn't perfect. he just asked her out, and she didn't want to say no.

he kissed her, and millie's she's almost popped out of their sockets. this definitely didn't feel right. she pushed him off, and he frowned, and she spotted a curly haired boy staring at them from the bushes.

he blinked, and millie stared at him hopelessly as he turned and ran down the street.

"jacob. i don't- i have to go."

he stared at her in shock. "millie, what's wrong?"

she sighed. "i like you and everything... but my problems are big right now. do you think... we could try again in a couple months?" her heart hurt telling him this.

"are you- breaking up with me?" he managed, his jaw on the ground.

she didn't cry. that was the old millie. instead, she pushed past him, knowing she made the right decision.

he stared after her as she walked away. "millie? MILLIE!"

she raced down the sidewalk, after finn. oh where had he gone?

she heard a small noise, and turned down an alley, spotting him leaning against a wall at the end of it. his curly hair fluttered lightly in the air, and she realized... jesus he really was attractive.

his eyes were closed, and her head spun as she admired his freckles spattered across his face, reminding her of paint splattered across a canvas. finn's face truly was a canvas. she gaped a little as she continued to stare at the handsome teenager.

he let out a sigh, and his eyes opened, he jumped as he saw millie staring at him. "millie? what the hell? i thought you were with jacob?"

she shook her head slowly. "i broke up with him. because i'm still figuring out what's going on in my life... and... i think- i think i need you to help me figure it out."

his eyes widened. "you want me to-,"

she smiled a little. "i know i've been confusing, but i want your help. help me remember what i missed. please?"

finn stepped forward and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "i have waited months to hear you say that." he pressed his lips against hers.

millie's head swirled. this felt... right.

"are you kidding me?" they pulled apart when jacob's angry voice sounded from behind them.

"you think you can kiss her and get away with it?" jacob snarled.

what happened next felt like slow motion to millie. jacob aimed a punch at finn's head, and millie shot in front of him, and jacob's fist crashed into her head.

she fell to the ground, her head cracking against the concrete, and her world went black.

-

noah watched sadie twirl her hair in front of the mirror.

"i'm sorry, sadie. again." noah said.

"it's okay," sadie replied, her voice not sounding very okay. she said deeply and collapsed on the bed next to noah, her eyes clouding up.

"i miss her, noah. i miss her so much it burns at my insides. i miss her so much that my heart clenches up when i see pictures of us, or go shopping in our favorite stores, or listen to music that we listened to together. i miss her when i see her online, or pictures of her in news articles. i miss her when i think about anything. i can see her laying here, on my bed, laughing about a joke she made that she thought was funny. i miss her when i- i- when i go to sleep at night," sadie was crying now, the tears running down her cheeks falling onto the bed, making wet splotches. "i miss her when i sit in set, or when i'm in school, or even when i talk to you, noah, because when i see you i just think of her too." her face contorted in pain as she sobbed in noah's arms. "i, m-miss, her even more, because she's not gone, noah. that's what people say. because she's here. but she doesn't remember anything that i do. and the fact that she's here and can't remember me hurts more then if she was gone in the first place."

"sadie," noah whispered, holding her close while she cried, her heart broken. "though she can't remember you, she's still here. and she'll always be in our hearts... the girl she used to be. and i miss her too. she can't remember a lot of things that we did."

sadie nodded. "i'm- sorry, i'm- being, being selfish."

"no you're not, sadie." noah assured her. "you have every right to be upset. and i'm sorry. i'm so so sorry. it's gonna be okay, sadie."

sadie sniffled, tiredness overcoming her. "hopefully."

"she loves you, sadie."

"you can't love someone you can't remember."

-

author's note -

how pleasant.

i thought i would delve into how sadie feels more to finish off the chapter, because she's going through a rough time.

uhm i updated for you arika!! you're welcome.

also, don't tell is currently at 18k. how the heck-

seriously. i appreciate everything so much. i've been getting dms from a bunch of you on instagram ( ps. you can follow me @/aylaa.caitlin ) telling me how much you enjoyed my book. i have seriously cried over it, thank you guys so much.

meanwhile... i have no idea where this book is going. if you have any ideas, dm me and i'll give you credit. seriously.

okay, have a good day/night :)