a place of relaxation and tranquility smack dab in the middle of one of the busiest cities in the country. she came here to work, and he came here to get away from work. sly glances and silly jokes turn into something unexpected to say the least. al...
"and don't take this personal but you're the worst you know what you've done to me and although it hurts I know i just can't keep runnin' away"
☕️🍂
Naila Brathwaite. August 16, 2016. Mississauga, Canada.
Walking into a dark and silent house, I breathed a sigh of relief with the hope in my mind that Kalil wasn't here. It was 5 AM and still pitch black outside but that didn't mean he wasn't still out doing his business. I had no type of leash on him and what he decided to do when he wasn't at my job, so I chose not to worry about it too much.
Taking off my work clothes and hopping in the shower, I let the piping hot water cascade over my body as I thought about everything that happened tonight. The last person I was expecting to see in the club, in my club, was Kaison. It had been over three months since him or I saw one another and a lot has happened since then. Thinking back to late April and the night that I made that call, I must've felt something deep in my heart for Kalil and our history to have been so willing to cross international borders to get to him. As soon as I hung up the call a car was at Bradley International Airport in less than 15 minutes to drive me to JFK on a one way flight to Toronto. I hadn't planned on staying for this long but the pay was good and he treated me right, at least for now.
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Getting out the shower and passing by the mirror, I stopped to take a look at myself and just think for a while. I could sense that my night at work wasn't going to be typical from the time I got there. All my coworkers seemed extra hype and excited for who would be coming in soon and when I asked one of them who it would be, hearing the name "Chris" come out of her mouth almost made me sick. I think everything stemmed from a lack of trust for him in the first place but when he broke up with me the day he was leaving to tour abroad, my mind couldn't help but wander at the possibilities of what he could be doing while we were apart. I guess that breakup and this entire situation really made the basis of our relationship stand out. I didn't trust him as much as I thought I did and do I feel bad? Definitely. I fed into temptation extremely quick before I even had the right headspace to weigh out my options. I didn't need to jet from the states like I did to be with a dude I hadn't truly seen or met with in over six years, just expecting everything to be okay. I blocked Kaison on everything I could just to avoid the badgering I was bound to receive when he realized I was ignoring him.
I felt my heart rate pick up as tears welled up in my eyes as I thought about where I was in life at the moment and how much I suddenly regretted it. Numb would be the word to describe how I've been feeling since arriving here and I've tried my very hardest to not think too much about how I got here but now that I was alone with just me and my thoughts, I couldn't help but feel my heart and mind overwhelm itself with guilt and sadness. When I saw him come into my room for his dance, I was panicking on the inside but had to put on a poker face to remain professional. Before I could even begin to really freak out he darted out of the room and left, and from there the night at our club was practically over. We closed early and my coworkers were happy to go home but I was left feeling conflicted. Driving home I put a couple of his songs on in the car which only made me rethink the decisions I've made thus far. Should I have walked out on him as fast as I did, without warning at that? On one hand he was the one who broke up with me but then on the other hand I had no reason not to trust him. My confliction was getting to me and the beginning of a pounding headache was beginning to form but before I could focus on that too much, I heard the bathroom door open to see Kalil walk in with a smile on his face. Giving him a faint smile as he walked towards me.
