The Accident: Based On A True Story

Chapter Forty

I heard a knock at the door but before I could get there, it was answered.

"Sorry Keegan.",  I heard Sarah say as I came down the stairs.

"Keegan.", I said.

"He's leaving.", she replied.

Behind her back, I mouth the words, "Wait there."

"Sarah, please.", I requested. But she ignored me as if I was a five year old wanting dessert before dinner.

I went in the backyard, shutting the glass door behind me, and sat at the step to pet Charlie. I was just waiting a few minutes because I knew she'd at least peak through the curtains to make sure I wasn't doing anything. As soon as she did and left the window, I walked around to the side gate and out to the front.

"You waited.", I said with a smile.

"Well I knew you either mouthed "wait there" or "paint hair". I was hoping it was the first.", he said. We both chuckled.

"How are you?", he asked.

"Eh. I've been better.", I replied.

"Wow."

"What?", I asked.

"Nothing. It's just that this is the first time you didn't say you were fine.", he said and he's kind of right.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm still trying to figure everything out."

"If it makes you feel any better, I think we all are at this age. I know I am.", he replied. " So my friend, Tyler, is going to find out where the IP address, of the account that posted the photos, came from."

"Thanks Keegs.", I said.

"Of course.", he warmly said with his gorgeous smile.

The front door opened. It was David in his wheelchair.

In a quiet voice, David said, "Hey. Come on. Before your sister finds out." He was just trying to give me a heads up. I nodded my head in agreement.

"Gotta go. Jail is calling.", I said sarcastically to Keegan.

"See you later?", he asked.

"Of course.", I replied.

Without notice or warning he kissed me. And.. I didn't hate it. Walking back inside, I kept wondering what that was about.
He knows I'm not anywhere near perfect. I've screwed up so much but, he doesn't care?

As I thought I escaped the wrath that is Sarah as I shut the front door quietly, she caught me. Ugh.

"Is this a joke?", she asked.

"Just checking the mail.", I said as I smirked and walked to the kitchen. She knew as well as I did that I was lying.  That kiss did something to me. My stomach filled with butterflies, metaphorically obviously, and suddenly I was questioning how I felt about Keegan.

"Do you want to be grounded forever? Because that's what it's starting to feel like.", Sarah said as she entered the kitchen.

"Regardless of what I do, it seems like I'm going to be stuck here anyways.", I replied as I grabbed a can of Pepsi from the fridge.

"So, the knives?", I asked.

"Did you need one?", she asked back.

"It's cute. You're a nurse and even you don't know how this works. Cutters don't look for knives. And most of us have pocket knives which would be so much better. Don't you think?" I said completely being a bitch and pulling a pocket knife out of my pocket that was Ryan's.

"Give me that.", she said as she grabbed it from my hand. She can keep it. I just carry it when I walk alone. You never know what can happen but I highly doubt I'll be able to walk alone for awhile.

"It doesn't matter. You took everything. I'm just waiting for the corners of the table to be covered next.", I said sarcastically.
"Something else?", I asked as we both stood there.

"No.", she said as if she was backing down a bit. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not backing down anymore either or if it's because I just gave up trying to hide my arm since she already knows. She looked at me, not my face, as I walked past her and left the kitchen.

I finally felt a little more normal. A little more me. But not exactly the same and I may never. A lot has changed.

Lying on my bed, or really the guest bed, I realized my necklace was gone. The other half that belongs to Ryan's. I searched my neck, the floor, the bathroom, and found nothing. I did, however, find, a safety pin. I didn't want to but I was stressed out over the necklace. I couldn't help myself... And I missed the feeling of being in control. Of being able to make everything go away. Even if it was just for awhile.

It didn't glide the way the blade did, but it worked. I didn't cut my forearm. I knew she'd check the next time I was out of her sight. I chose the top of my arm just before my shoulder. It more painful than I had remembered but I think it was the fact that it was a safety pin. I had dreams once. Dreams that wouldn't allow for cuts all over my body... But what's a dream if you barely feel alive most of the time already.