Wanderlust

21/02/18

Time 11:11

I have social anxiety.

I know that.

People around me know that.

But they don't understand it.

It doesn't register as an illness or disorder.

"Why won't you talk to them?"

"You can order for yourself, You're 14"

"Why are you asking me what to say?"

Those three sentences control my life.

I won't talk to them because i don't want to say something wrong in public.

I can order for myself but i don't want to in case i do it wrong.

I'm asking what to say because I don't want to mess anything up.

No.

I am not stupid.

No.

I am not a voluntary mute in public.

No.

I am not nervous to speak to people.

No.

I am not asking what to say because I've never been taught what to do.

I am terrified of doing something wrong.

So yes.

I will ignore that person until i feel comfortable with talking to them.

And yes.

I will tell you what i would like to eat because i don't want to mess up in public.

And yes.

I will keep asking what to say to a person when asking for something, even after the 10th time of you explaining it.

I am not a person who has never had a parent there to teach me how to do things independently.

But,

I am a person with social anxiety.

I view the world as an overly judgmental place.

And i don't what to be the one being judged.

So my 11:11 wish?

For people to be more educated on mental health.

It's been overlooked for far to long.

It needs to change.

Soon.