Wanderlust

29/07/18 (Pt. 2)

Time 02:07

Is this what it feels like to hate your body.
There's marks everywhere from scratching and trying to get free.
I do not like this one bit.
I've never not liked myself this much before.
Fuck.
Everything just feels wrong.
Not in a trans way though.
(Not that there's anything wrong with being trans that's just not me)
I'm so disproportionate.
The only part of my body I like is my eyes.
But no body looks at your eyes.
They only notice the shape of your body and whether it's good enough for them to be associated with.
Maybe that's why no one ever likes me.
Maybe I just haven't got the right body.
I know starving myself won't do anything good for me so don't worry too much I guess.
My collar bones used to be visible but now they aren't,
They used to be my favourite thing about myself.
Now I have to put in effort to make them show.
Ugh.
I love it when no one around you understands.
I hate having to write this all down,
I wish someone would just listen to my say all of it instead of just sitting back and reading.
I'm going off-topic,
As if there is a topic to this thing anymore.
I hate my body.
It's the one thing keeping me from being semi happy again.
Goodnight.