Wanderlust

19/06/18

Time 01:49
I'm shaking.
Might be having a panic attack.
My heart rates gone back up.
I don't feel well.
I've Got a sore throat.
My throat feels swollen.
My shoulders hurt.
That surgery sounds really good right now.
I don't care about my voice.
If it changes it changes.
I just want to make this stop.
It's so stressful.
Having to look out for anything minor that goes wrong in my body.
But when something goes wrong, everything goes wrong.
Panic sets in.
Every possible theory runs through my head.
Am I having a heart attack?
Is my throat going to swell up so much that I can't breathe?
Am I going to have to phone an ambulance?
They sound extreme but they can happen very easily to me.
My throats already swollen.
I woke up my dad.
No help.
Woke up Carolyn.
No help.
Next option is to call 111.
I don't want to do that.
If they say I have to go to a&e all of us have to get up.
If I go to a&e I have to have blood tests.
If blood test come back with dodgy stuff I'll probably get taken to surgery.
If I get taken into surgery my dad will worry.
I can't stop shaking.
Even my breath is shaky so I can't focus on that.
This isn't fun.
No ones awake.
I have to do this by myself.
I hate this.
I can't do it.
I want it to be over,
I want to go to sleep.
I can't type properly.
My hands are shaking.
Please just make it stop.
Just take my thyroid out and put me on thyroxine for the rest of my life I don't care.
As long I never have to go through this again.