The Entry To Hell

woah im on a rool and i take it out on this book

I went through my crush with people constantly telling me he's staring at me, or, and I quote "looking so caringly and worryingly" (courtesy of a girl that didn't even know I liked him) and I'd be fulfilled and satisfied with the attention he apparently was giving me...

I've always been sceptical, but now I can officially confirm them lies or misunderstanding...

Everything we did together was me totally misinterpreting it all, him apparently constantly looking over in my direction was a very heavy assumption as a general direction consists of many things, him talking himself up in the hope of what I thought to be was impressing me, was him just being acocky fucking prick.

Now as I'm confronted with these rationals, shit hurts like a buttcheek on a stick.

Wont lie, I've been crying in every lonely minute I had since I confessed, which has been going on for about 3 days, and see, that's usually normal for me as I cry, A LOT, like I cry 672x the amount of the average human, and trust me when I say that's not an exaggeration.

I've been through a lot of pain, on all human scales, and this sounds dramatic, but I don't think I've confronted one this traumatising

But this pain, this is on a whole new level..

Idk maybe considering I literally let my life depend on this dickhead, because I'm that needy that I literally devoted my whole self to this asshole who would never care, it hurts more than I could've ever imagined...

It started off by feeling my whole body was searing in hot fire, it then progressed to my body getting carved and sliced with a sharp knife, every inch of myself now covered in open flesh wounds, now I'm currently at a stage where my chest is slowly being peeled away, skin by skin layer at a time, with a very rusty knife, sawing through until deeper flesh is continued, only to reach a very raw part, to the, Pour gasoline and acetone and alcohol and any flammable substance on top, to sting and sear, to burn, only to be let on fire with a single spark... repeated over, and over, and over again...

This spark though, the spark I get when I'm near him, the start that was literally the light of my life. The sparked I craved so much I was put myself in jeopardising positions to only get a touch of this spark, to only get so close with him.
This spark that I once worshipped, is now the spark that's killing me, slowly, and surely not softly ...