One with the birds

Prologue

I look at my wrist, I look at the blade

Was this really the right decision I've made,

To kill myself, to take my life

I don't think I can put up with this strife.

Constant pain is what I feel

It over powers me, bring me to my heel

It grips my heart, tears me apart

But that's not even the worst part,

Pain, pain, it never goes away

Oh no it doesn't and it's here to stay

And those who are meant to cherish and love

Are the ones who hurt you the most kind of

I remember a time, a time long ago,

Where I was happy and loved, eager to grow,

Then death destroyed something I cherished most,

My rock, my world, my mum, she faded from my life like a ghost.

Gone was she, I was left alone and scared

With a monster of a man , who never cared

The hate, the frustration, the darkness in him

A man filled with anger up to the brim

And just like that, all was lost

My friends, my hope, my sacred trust

I sunk further into a hole of despair

I was broken, shattered, without repair.

I look at my wrist, I look at the blade

Was this really the right decision I've made,

I nod my head, ready to die

And as the blade touches my wrist, I whisper goodbye.

***

They're all staring. I can feel it. They're judging gaze penetrate my skin, pushing through all defenses I had struggled to put up. I can hear their whispers and I know that rumours will be circulating round school like wildfire. I don't care really, I stopped caring a while ago. I won't be here tomorrow anyway.

"She's probably abused at home,"

"The video has got 10k views man! Mad init fam"

"I'm not surprised she wants to kill herself, she's so fat. She's better of dead,"

I duck my head as I walk through the halls. 10,000 views! Meaning attention- attention I don't want. I huff in frustration. All this because of a bloody poem. Stupid Mrs. Hatburn had to pick on me and made me read it out. Stupid Alex for recording me. Stupid me for writing it. I just couldn't help it. My hands started to write and as I poured my heart and emotions into it, more words just flowed past my fingertips. I put my heart and soul into that poem. I put my life into that poem. If only they knew the truth that poem truly held.

Pulling my hood up, I step outside. My heart contracts and my throat clogs up in pain. I don't know how long I stood there, trying to breathe again but a sharp push brings me back to reality.

"Move loser! Go be depressed somewhere else," someone says.

I whisper a quick apology and scurry along.

"RAT!" a guy calls after me. I freeze and look around scared. I've always feared rats...ever since that day.

"I'm talking about you b*tch" he shouts, cursing me. His friends erupt with laughter and my cheeks flush red in embarrassment. I continue walking keeping my head down. It's like a weight being lifted off my chest as I walk further and further away from school and closer to my freedom. Freedom. I long for it, more than anything else in the world. Freedom from pain, freedom from stress, freedom from life. I walk and walk until my feet go numb and my legs begin to ache. I walk and walk, until I forget, forget the suffering and the agony and the torture. I walk and walk till I'm on top of a cliff. The view is gorgeous, the breeze is calming, and the sounds of nature soothe my soul. A bird chirps above me; I watch it take flight in awe. Birds are so lucky- they can travel the world, go wherever they want- they're so free.

I take a step closer to the edge and look down. This is it, I think, and for some reason, the thought of death doesn't scare me. I spread my arms, and close my eyes I take a deep breath, inhaling the wonders of nature. My mind drifts back to the peace I once felt, and I let my desire for that feeling overcome me. I'll see you soon mum. Wait for me at the bottom.

I'm falling, I know I am. I'm like a bird soaring through the sky and then I feel it: peace.

I'm finally free.

***
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