One with the birds

Chapter 15

It was my birthday on Wednesday so an update for that :)

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15 Years Old

I never saw Adonis again. It's been a year and my heart aches at the thought of him. I spent less than 24 hrs with him and I was already crazy about him. He said he was going to my school, yet when the next day of school came by he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he lied about who he is. I just don't know. As crazy as it sounds, I miss my saviour. He couldn't save me from my father but he saved me from one of my many demons.

A frail hand touches my shoulder. My mother, so strong and powerful is dying. A couple of months the doctor said she was suffering from pancreatic cancer, stage 4. Less than a year to live they said; she won't last long they said. As each day passes, I see the gradual changes of her getting weaker and I lose hope that she will ever recover. The cancer is eating her up from the inside out- causing her extreme pain. I hate to see my mum suffer- I am suffering with her. How could someone so precious live out this fate.

"Darling- can you pass me my pills," her voice is soft and quiet.

Sperm donor has left her alone for the last couple of months. It's a blessing and a curse at the same time. It's good he's not hurting her but connotes that she's evidently sick. Of course there is the usual snide remark and insult about how ugly she is now, much expected from him, but he hasn't laid a hand on her which I am grateful for. However it's a cycle. If he can't release his anger who does he turn to?

Me.

Ever since that night a year ago, he's discarded my mum and put me in her position- as punching bag and whore. I wouldn't have it any other way. If he's not hurting mum, everything is fine. I would gladly sit through hours of his abuse if it meant she wouldn't be hurt. She is always there after to pick up my broken pieces and somehow glue me together. My heart aches at the thought of not having her in a couple of months. A tear rolls down my cheek as I grab the medicines and hand it to her. Her hand, so weak, fails to grip onto it properly so the plastic pot drops onto the floor spilling the little blue capsules all over the floor. She doesn't make a move to grab it, seeing my tear she leans over and gently wipes it away.

"My baby, my poor poor baby.How unlucky we are," she whispers, her voice cracking slightly.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I can't get you out of this hell. I have failed as a mum, I know," she says, a tear rolling down her face- matching mine.

I shake my head, "You haven't mum. I just don't want you to die-you only have a couple months left"

"Don't worry about the future- we will manage. I love you," she whispers.

I pull her into a hug, whispering "I love you" over and over again. I hold on as if she's about to fade away- which she is. And that scares me to no end. I pull out of the embrace, and reach down and pick up all the capsules on the floor. I hand her 2 then place the rest in the pot before securing the lid. A loud bang of the door makes me drop the tub again. I thank the sweet angels in heaven that I closed it before reaching down to grab the pot yet again.

Sperm donor is home.

He walks straight into the kitchen, staring me up and down and not even acknowledging my mum. He sits straight down on the table. I rush and place his meal in front of him. His face is expressionless- I can't decipher is mood.

Beer!" he demands.

My mum makes a move for the fridge but I stop her and get the can myself for him. I set it in front of him.

"Take off my shoes- move fucking now bitch," he snaps at me after my slight hesitation. I jump into action, not wanting to piss him off in case he decides to hurt my mum. His huge boots always take the piss to untie and I normally spend at least 5 minutes trying to pull the off his big feet. As I bend to take off the first shoe- he jerks above me- grabs my hair and pulls me up by it.

"This shit is disgusting. You dumb bitch? Can't even cook. Taste this crap!" he spits in my face. He stuffs the food in my mouth, making sure he jabs and cuts me with the fork.

Good God- this fucker is insane. It tastes fine.

I stay silent. Not saying a word.

"If you can't cook, why else do I keep you?" he taunts sadistically.

"Oh wait, I know, your pussy. Throw this shit in the trash and then I want you upstairs in my room in 5 minutes," he growls.

He lets go off my hair and I'm shocked he didn't yank my whole scalp off. He doesn't let me finish untying his shoes- he just storms upstairs before pushing past my mother after calling her a waste of space. I don't throw the food into the bin of course- I simply hand it to my mother whose eyes sparkle with pain and pity.

"Don't feel sorry for me. You've done it for over 15 years," I mutter to her.

"Oh my poor baby. You've had to grow up in this," My mum begins to cry again.

I walk out of the kitchen, leaving her to her tears I ascend the stairs slowly. I enter the room to see my father waiting for me. He's chosen his instruments for his torture. I close my eyes, inhaling slowly and preparing myself.

Go to your happy place

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Not the longest update- I know. I'M SORRYYYY! 

Who else got emotional reading this- I got emotional writing it. So what do you think? What are your opinions? Please comment I love to hear feedback. 

What do you think happened to Adonis?

Thanks for reading! Love you all <3 

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