One with the birds

Chapter 13

Monster. That bastard was a poisonous monster - a spawn of satan himself. Or maybe he was Satan. I wouldn't put it past him. He destroyed not only me but my mum, smashing us into little pieces and stomping on us again.

Heartless devil.

It's my fault. I should have never have left my mum with him. I'm so stupid and selfish. Always putting myself before others while my mum does the exact opposite with me. I'm a terrible daughter and don't deserve her love and affection and constant protection.

I woke up nearly 2 hours ago. I found myself back in my room, my mum laying on the floor next to my bed, only a thin sheet to provide comfort. She felt me stir and slowly got up. Her face contorted with pain as she cradled the bottom of her chest. I looked into the eyes of my mother and a blank pair of eyes stared back at me. My mother was truly and absolutely broken in every sense. It was as if she wasn't there anymore, only a shell of body. She looked lifeless-dead and damn i bet she damn wished she was. And at that very moment, as i looked into the eyes of my mum, we simultaneously began to cry. We didn't touch each other, we didn't comfort each other - we just let ourselves cry to one another.

My mum cried about her pain, my pain and most importantly the death of her unborn child.

And I cried too about my pain, my mum's pain and the death of my little sister or brother.

I can't remember when we stopped crying or when we began to hold each other im our arms. It was a bittersweet moment- a moment caused by suffering and abuse.

We didn't talk about what had just happened a couple hours ago; apart from my mums apologies and talk about the baby we didn't care to elaborate.

I'm glad we didn't. I don't want to relive that again. I don't want to feel. We didn't dare bring up my sorry excuse for a father. Just the mention of his name got my mum shaking and her hand instantly going to her tummy. The pain is too much for both of us. We won't be able to manage at this rate. We won't fucking survive. We would die here- he would eventually kill us.

We need to leave. We can stay with this man any second longer. The second my mum's strength gets up im leaving this hell house with her in tow. My father can go fuck himself. The dull aching in my lower region only seemed to intensify as I tried to move around my room. My sperm donor had gone out apparently but I don't want to leave my room. I’m afraid goddammit and that was a feeling I can’t overcome. It clouds my vision and judgement and the fear takes over me so much I can't seem to fight it and any protests are in vain. The feeling is degrading, dehumanising and downright demeaning. It makes me so angry because he won. He won this battle yet again. It's as if I just can't win, no matter how hard I try. It annoys me how weak I am against him. He overpowers me in every way possible, trapping us in this hell zone. There's no escape. There's no winning. Only a pit of despair waiting for you at the finish line.

So as I cower behind the door, trying to find delude myself that the door provides safety, my mum lays on my bed sleeping soundly. I jump at amy little sounds in fear it is him and can't help but think how pathetic I am. How worthless and used I am.

Nobody will want you now. Your nothing but a used slut without her virginity.

And as the nasty voice in my head continues to insult me, i can't help but think every word is true.

***

I apologise. This isn't a long chapter at all. But the good news is.....

IM BACK!!

Have you missed me??
Well I've missed YOU!!!

I have been so busy doing a lot of stuff and haven't had time to post and update but things will go hack to normal. Be expecting normal updates and good length posts. This chapter (including the AN) doesn't even reach 1000 words. That's how short this chapter is.

What do you think about this chapter?
Was it moving enough?
I might come back and edit it to make it more deep and emotional.

Thanks for everything! I love you all.

kiran134 THANKS FOR BEING AMAZING AND SUPPORTIVE! YOU'RE AWESOME. Go follow her!

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