One with the birds

Chapter 16

Over the time, me and Nisha's friendship grew stronger. We were inseparable. She was my rock, my suppoirt, the sunshine that lightened up my gloomiest mornings. Yet, I could never bring myself to tell her what was really going on at home. She noticed the bruises and the marks. I would lie, say im clumsy and bruise easy. It's not that I didn't trust her because I did. I just couldn't tell her. Nisha is attentive, i suppose she will figure it out in time. Her mother, Meena, is even more so. Sometimes, when she looks at me I think she sees right through me. As if she sees my suffering, my pain and my stuggle. Can she see how tainted and ugly I am?

I visit their house regularly, and would often catch Meena looking at me in these pitiful eyes as if...she knew. But there was no way. I'd gitten used to hiding my sorrow. My facade of happiness had grown thick with saturated joy. Meena treated me as if she was her daughter, I viewed her as a mother. She would buy me gifts from clothes to accesories and invite me around regularly so I could eat with them. Deep inside there is a layer of bitter jealousy towards Nisha ad she really got everything. How did I get so unlucky?

I'd gotten better at sneaking around sperm donor. I would put sleeping drugs in his food so he would be out like a light after dinner, or laxatives so hes stuck in the toilet before having to go sleep from exhaustion of shitting that much. I'd always be laughing in the corner. This was my own little way of getting back at him. My mum would somewhow get me the money to buy these drugs, yet sometimes she had none. And those days I suffered the harsh brute force of him. I needed to get a job, my mum is too weak to be working now. I'm nearly 16 and should be able to get one without too much fuss. I just need to apply to the right places and then start saving up for college too, as I definitely want to go.

I sit on mt bed, my laptop positioned on my lap as I search for jobs. The laptop was flashy, a courtesy of Nisha's family. I struggled to accept all these presents. At first I refused them all, I wasn't a charity. Meena didn't give up though, she pursued, forcing me to take them home with me. Now I put up little resistance much to her happiness. I feel ashamed of myself sometimes. All these gifts, so expensive and new were bought by another family. What must they think of me? What must they think of my family? I told them we weren't very rich amd couldn't afford much and they understood. Meena showered me with even more gifts. She bought me an entire closet of clothes, which I wear to school mostly. My slobbish ways are long gone with this closet. I fit in more and it gives me more confidence to walk around school. Artificial confidence. The worst type of confidence my mum would say. I know if my dad ever saw any of these things he would take them all and probably kill me. So I keep them under lock and key...literally. After I leave my room I lock it, it's always locked. 
Nisha's popular, and the fact im best friends with her boosted my popularity status. But I still had Nisha as my only friend. She had asked to come to my house multiple times, and I would refuse quicker than you could you tit. Nisha could never meet my parents. Then it would all click and she would know. She can't know. She'd probably want to stop being friends with me. I'm the disgusting girl who gets fucked by her father and beaten up frequently.

Nobody would want me. The real me. The ugly, broken version of me.

Take away the pretty clothes, the make-up and the high updo and you see, a scared little girl trying to survive in a barren land.

And everyday got harder to survive. When things would get better, everything would come crashing down back into chaos. There's no escape really. No escape.

I continue searching for jobs, and come across one at a local gym. They need a receptionist, needs zero experience. I apply instantly. If I get it there's a training day beforehand, and I get access to the facilities for free. The pay is good too. 10 dollars per hour. I pray I get the job, fingers crossed they choose me. I'm taking out of my thoughts by a call on the landline. I rush out my room to pick it up, not bothering to lock my door as my dads not home.