ABUSED

Save Me

9 years old ...

SLAP!

I held my face feeling again tears running down my face. 

"You think I care about your crying?!" She snapped.

But I continued to cry. 

It's been two years and she still hasn't changed. 

Not one bit. 

I wanted to step up to her. 

I wanted to defend myself and show her that she has no control over me. 

But I couldn't. 

I was too afraid. 

I was too afraid of what she would do to me if I even opened up my mouth. 

So instead like any other day I went up to my room and stayed they're the whole day without eating, besides school. 

Yes. 

My mom made me starve myself. 

Not giving me lunch or dinner. 

Not even a tiny snack. 

Just breakfast. 

Then it was school and I came back home to...

 Homework, more yelling and punishments, taking a nap, yelling and punishments, shower, then yelling and punishments and bedtime. 

Then, I repeat that routine again and again. 

Expect on weekends I go to my grandparents where I can finally get a break. 

And when I say "break" I mean paradise. 

No yelling, beatings, threats, put downs, no none of that. 

My grandparents were the complete opposite of my mom. 

They were nice and warming. And I would tell my grandpa my problems with my mom and he would just nod as if he cared.

He probably did care but I don't believe it. 

Nobody cared. 

Nobody. 

I was sitting on my bed then suddenly started thinking of my dad. 

"He doesn't care about you Riley." I said to myself.

"He never does and he never will." I then grabbed one of my dolls and ripped it's head off squishing it in my hand trying to let all my anger out. 

"Nobody will ever care." 

"I'm just a useless piece if trash that has nothing to do in life." 

I kept scolding myself until I wondered what time it was. 

Then looking at my clock right above me and sighed. I realized, forgetting that I couldn't read clocks. 

Yeah.

A useless third grader that can't read clocks. 

How pathetic. 

I then felt another tear roll down my cheek. 

I immanently wiped it away my hand glaring at my reflection in my mirror. 

"I look hideous." I told myself.

"You've always looked hideous."

I remember my mom telling me as soon as we got home. 

I felt my expression darken  and I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it.

For a good five minutes I stopped and looked at my reflection and bursts into tears hiding my face into my covers. 

 I stopped crying and then revealed my tear stained face again from under the covers and sang to myself quietly making sure my mom didn't heard me. 

Geu soneul naemireojwo save me save me
I need your love before I fall fall

I sang softly as I rocked myself knees at my chest. 

Geu soneul naemireojwo save me save me
I need your love before I fall fall

Geu soneul naemireojwo save me save me
Oh oh, save me me me

My voice cracked at the last part as I cried myself to sleep..

Just like any other night. 

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~Save Me ~BTS