A Recollection : Sincerely, me.

Utopian

Growing up is a trap, they say. 

Honestly, I'm starting to considered if that was true.  The more I get older, the more I realized life can be way too hard sometimes. 

The more I get older, I have to make more important, life changing decision that I have to made after my seventeen years of life on this earth. 

The more I get older, I have to know pain, heartbreaks. It's like a component in my life that I can't seem to escape. It just keeps continues to spread... Like a wildfire. Faster, even. 

The more I get older, I have to walk through the bridges alone. Sometimes a few walks along with me, but most of the time... I walk alone.  

Maybe, growing up is a trap all along.

Then, I look at my one year old nephew. And a thought crossed my mind, he hasn't been here yet and everything seems so crystal clear for him. His life choices is so simple, that it seems like life got it all planned for him. 

I simply just don't understand how a person get their whole life planned and figured out, 

Well for me,  It used to be that way.   

When I was little, someone asked me what I want to be when I grew up. 

I told them I want to dance until both of my feet hurts, just because I feel like a whole different person when I dance. 

I told them some other days that I want to sing from mountain top, just because I want people to hear me. 

I told them weeks later that I want to write for the rest of my life, just because I want to be an open book to people and share my feelings. For there are so many words that remains unsaid

I told them months later that I want to read, that I want to learn and be able to speak various of languages that I never understood before. 

I told them that I want to fill someone else's life with joy. Just because mine is buried in sorrows doesn't mean they should too. 

Follow your dreams then, they say.  Reach for the stars, for you can be anything you wish.

When I was little, I believed in a lot of silly things. 

I believed the moon followed me when I'm out every night, just to keep me safe. 

I believed there will be rainbows after a terrible rainstorm. 

I believed ocean waves are caused by the whales flipping their fins. 

I believed my stretched arms are my wings, that could take me wherever I want. Without any limits. 

If only I could moved them quickly enough. Perhaps. Most foolishly. 

I believed the words of those who told me, they believed in me. 

But I still don't get, how quickly they changed their minds and ends up shattering what I believed in. 

For how quickly their words of encouragement turns into, 

Have you considered management? Have you considered accounting? Have you considered law? Good money will follow...

Have you considered art? I heard they are pretty competitive industry..

Those words they said over a lipstick stained cup of tea. 

For how quickly, they filled our childhood with hope just to smashed it as we got older. 

Not everyone can be a winner, they say. 

Here is the thing, does anyone win if nobody even try?

Maybe growing up isn't a trap after all,   

Maybe writing cannot save people, unlike surgery does. 

Maybe writing cannot defend people, unlike officers does. 

But I know for sure that writing can make people feel, and that's a damn good place to start. 

To you, my fellow grown up dreamers. 

You are a lily, growing out in a world full of roses. A beautiful sight against every odd. 

When I was little, I believed my stretched arms are my wings, that could take me wherever I want. Without any limits. 

Now, I believed that to be true.