Endlessly...

Chapter 10 - Olivia

Uggggghhhh my head. Is. pounding. I feel like someone is smashing into my head. Obviously, I drank too much. Where am I? It smells different in here. What time is it? I need to pack before we go to Madrid...

I rubbed my eyes and pushed myself up from the bed. I don't have any clothes on. Oh fuck. Jax? Oh fuck. I hope not. I feel like I did though. I looked to my left and there he was, that stupid dirty blonde man-bun. I sit up as quietly as humanly possible and look for my clothes...pants? Check. Red top? Check. Heels? Check. Clutch and phone? Yes. Panties? Fuck. Me. Where are they? I heard Jax shift in bed and I freeze....I see from my peripheral that he's still knocked out. I run to the door and throw on my bodysuit. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO PUT ON?? Then my pants. I don't even bother buttoning anything. I'm about to let myself out when I look to my left and find my panties, check.

I walk the walk of shame to my hotel room and as I push in my key card regret instantly fills me as I think of the brunette waiting on the other side of this door. I pull out the key and tears are running down my face and I turn to the adjacent room and knock.

"Oh my god, where were you? We were looking all over for you!! What the fuck, Olivia?" Angie said angrily. She pulled me into her room. She looked less hungover than me but still hungover.

"Tiny and Mack were with me until we got back to the hotel...Ange, I fucked up."

"What happen?"

She sat on her bed and as I got in under the covers trying to cover myself and all my shame.

"I spent the night with Jax..."

"Ew.."

"ANGIE!"

"Well, what else do you want me to say?" she paused "were you guys safe?"

"Yeah..it's not that and it isn't that I slept with him because it's just sex...it's that for some fucking reason I can't face Abby..."

"Whoa...what? Why? Oh my god. I know why...."

"S T O P."

"Ooooohhh I know....boy do I fucking know," she laughed.

"SINCE WHEN???"

"Since Lee and I have been talking about it! Maybe after Monty died?"

"Holy shit, was I the only one that didn't know??"

"HA! No. I don't think Abby knows," she laughed.

"Ugh, Angie what am I gonna do??" I covered myself with the comforter trying to escape.

"She was pretty salty last night at the club you know, we had to carry her out and back to your room."

"Salty? Why? Because of Jax?"

"Jealous...salty...kind of the same thing in this case. Why did you sleep with Jax anyways?"

"Just for the sex. Since I saw him I knew I wanted to get a good pounding outta him. I think it's the bass." I joked.

"Was it worth it? Because something is going to go down with Abby today..."

"Honestly, no. It wasn't that great," I laughed as I held up my pinky.

It's too early to go to the room and confront Abby about what happen last night with Jax. No one but Abby knows where she would stand in this situation. I know where I stand and it's anywhere Abby is...I feel something for her, I know I do. Now the question is whether or not I'm willing to end our friendship for the chance to love Abby...

I showered and changed into some of Angie's clothes because I definitely needed to wash last night's shame and regret off. I sat on the edge of the bed contemplating what my next move would be. My anxiety was telling me to just avoid Abby the remainder of the tour but that's stupid and impossible. I was paralyzed with anxiety. My limbs felt numb and my gut was in my throat. I wasn't breathing, at least it felt like I wasn't. Angie sat next to me and rubbed my back. She knew what was going on, she knew what my anxiety looked like. I got up and went downstairs to the lobby.

"Sucsami, is the piano available?" I asked the concierge.

"Yes, Miss Riviera, it is."

"Do you mind...?"

"By all means."

I sat at the piano. My safe haven. Where I can play my emotions. The piano is like "my person" except it's "my place." I sit on the bench, place my hands on the keys, and take a breath as deep as the ocean and before I knew it I was playing Chopin's Nocturne Opera 48...it just started. I played with every feeling in my body and I let my anxiety, fears, and my feelings for Abby escape through my fingertips. I could feel my heart aching for the pain I may cause Abby when she finds out I slept with Jax. Or the pain we'll both feel if I confess my feelings for her and she doesn't reciprocate and our friendship doesn't survive. My anxiety of seeing Jax again after our one night stand. The regret. I played it all away. Never once opening my eyes. I felt the tears falling from my eyes and when I finished the part the I knew from the opera there was a small audience, great, just what I needed...people watching me cry at the piano. The people around me slow clapped as I wiped my tears. I turned around and there was Jax looking like a lost puppy. Jesus Christ, what does he want?

"Why are you down here?"

"Well I woke up and you were gone. I came to look for you."

"Last night was...nice. But that was a one-time thing. I'm not looking for anything serious. I thought we both knew that last night. Thank you, Jax, but it was just sex."

He looked shocked, like he was expecting we would get breakfast and he would be my boyfriend by the time we reach Madrid. Ugh.

"Oh...okay, well if that's what you want," he said disappointedly.

"Yeah, it is what I want. I hope we can still keep things professional for the remainder of the tour? No hard feelings?" I said as I walked toward the stairs.

"Definitely. We're good. That was a lot easier than I expected...musician to musician...last night was great! Amazing!"

"Mhm. I know..." I laughed.

I walked up to our hotel room and pushed in the key card, this time I turned the door handle and pushed the door open. Abby was sitting up in bed, checking her phone. She wasn't looking too great -- mascara was running, lipstick smudge, but she still looked like the cutest thing in the world and I couldn't help but smile and hold my stomach because I swear I could feel the butterflies!

"We need to talk." Abby said seriously.