Endlessly...

Chapter 11 - Abby

Ugh. Last night sucked. I'm too old to be drinking like that. It's Olivia's fault. This would have never happened if she didn't let Jax all over her. What was she even playing at? She never said anything about liking him. This is bullshit. I looked over to her side of the bed and it was empty and unslept in -- I felt empty. Surprised I made it through the night, I practically drank all of Angie's "tears of my haters."

I was mad because she shouldn't have been so irresponsible, there's probably paparazzi images all over the internet already of her fucking Jax on the dance floor of some Italian club. I'm mad that I even went to that stupid club because she didn't even hang out with any of us because she had all the guys drooling over her. What am I even upset about, none of those things are valid reasons for drowning my emotions in the tears of haters. That's not me. Last night was not me. Why was I acting like some 21-year-old obsessive girlfriend?

"We need to talk," I said as Olivia walked through the door of our hotel room.

"Okay..." she said apprehensively.

Next thing I know I'm SCREAMING at Liv. Like SCREAMING at the top of my lungs at her! I was throwing things at her too. Oh my god. I practically blacked out from irrational anger. It was all a blur.

"JAX?AREYOUFUCKINGKIDDINGME?"

"HESSUCHAPIECEOFCRAP!"

"YOUDESERVESOMUCHBETTER!"

"DOYOUEVERREALIZETHATTHEREAREPROBABLYPAPARAZZIPICTURESOFYOUGUYSFUCKINGONTHEDANCEFLOOR?"

"WAS IT WORTH IT? WAS IT WORTH SLEEPING WITH THE GUY EVERY OTHER GIRL ON THIS TOUR HAS SLEPT WITH?"

"THATWASSUCHA SLUTTY IRRESPONSIBLETHINGTODO!"

I think I threw some shoes or spoons? I don't know but the room is a mess and now I'm in the tub trying to make sense of what just happen. I literally lost myself and became a crazy son of a bitch. Liv just took it all, she took every mean thing I said to her, everything I threw at her -- metaphorically and physically. What have I done? She doesn't deserve that. She looked so broken...I broke my best friend.

Madrid

Olivia and I haven't spoken much since my Italian tantrum. She's either giving me space or doesn't want to be friends with some crazy, jealous friend. I still can't believe I did what I did and said what I said to her. I don't know if I'd still be my friend after that. I've avoided her because I'm so ashamed of how I acted. She got a separate hotel room -- on another floor. Not even on the same floor as the rest of us and Jax is gone, rumor is after she slept with him she asked him to leave the tour. My parents fly in in a couple hours.

"...so you threw stuff and screamed all those things at her? I taught you better than that, honey. What's that term that's floating around about embarrassing girls that like to have sex?" my mom said.

"...slut shaming..." I muttered. I felt like a kid getting scolded for taking a cab home alone.

"Slut shaming! That's what you did to her! So what if she slept with someone! Are you jealous?"

"Jealous? What? Of Liv getting to sleep with Jax?"

"Yes! Or that she slept with anyone at all!"

Silence.

She repeated the question only softer this time, "are you jealous that she slept with someone else? Do you have feelings for her, honey?"

"Sounds like your tantrum was more of a jealous rage, Abz," chimed my dad.

"What? You guys, no. No! I can't have feelings for Olivia! I'm straight. I'm straight!" I repeated.

My parents looked at one another and shrugged, "okay. Fine."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

My parents LOVE Olivia. I'm not joking when I say LOVE. My dad especially. They get along so well, they talk about anything and everything -- from sports to cars to cooking to skin care products...even politics! They tease that he loves her more than he loves me because she buys him the good whiskey and will sit and talk to him not AT him like my mom and I do. Growing up in New York and in the Broadway community, my parents taught me about love being love no matter what age, sex, race, or sexual orientation you were. Everyone had every right to love who they wanted. I was surrounded by members of the gay community, for years my dad wanted me to marry Jonathan, he even set up a dowery. It was fucking ridiculous. So, my sexual orientation was never, ever an issue in my little household. What did my parents mean when they asked me about having feelings for Olivia? And that look they gave each other after? What was that about? Do they know something I don't know?

"Hey, Marc! How was the flight? Accommodations okay? Sangria? This hotel has one of the best I've ever tasted, but it'll get better when we get to Barcelona believe it or not. Come sit down! Angie and I were just talking about my press schedule..." Olivia said. She was talking a mile a minute!

"Hi, honey! Everything was great! Everything! You didn't have to fly us out first class, we would have been fine in coach! But I'll definitely take a sangria! Its all I could think about the entire flight! Look if you guys are working I don't want to interrupt." Marc said apologetically.

"No, no we're done. I'll just take my sangria over there, Mr. Ricci, " Angie said.

"Marc. You call me, Mr. Ricci if you want to collect money from me. You don't have to leave, I'm sure you know exactly what's going on between my daughter and this amazing young woman sitting before us," said Marc.

"Oh my god..." I rolled my eyes.

The waiter brought another round of sangria to the table.

"Alright, so tell me what the hell is going on with you and my little firecracker of a daughter, huh?"

"I honestly don't know, sir."

"What do you mean you don't know? You slept with someone, she threw a tantrum, threw some shoes at you, and you just stop talking afterward? No. No. That's not right."

"...I thought, at first, it was because she had feelings for the guy I slept with.." Olivia lied.

"Naaaahhh. Cut the crap, honey and tell me the truth. You love her or not?" Marc said straightforward.

"Oh dear god...since when did you become such a chicken shit? What are you so afraid of, huh?" Marc said.

"I don't know, sir. There's a lot of things to be afraid of here...I value my friendship with your daughter more than anything in the entire world. There's too much at stake," she said as tears formed in her eyes.

"Alright, alright. No tears, I didn't mean to upset you. You're smart, like me. So the fact that you're saying this to me, makes me think I'm not all that smart because you sound so stupid right now! Love is a risk. You have to just jump. Be brave, honey. You sing in front of thousands of people every night, you allow yourself to be vulnerable for the entire world to criticise...you're braver than anyone out there! So cut the crap already!"

These two really were the last ones on the earth to know that they had feelings for each other.