Heaven Can Wait

Chapter 5 Part 2

Olyviah

I woke up early this morning in a cold sweat medicine worn off and I was once again a prisoner to my insomnia. It was one of those nights that was almost impossible for me to fall into a deep slumber. When the sun finally risen the nurse was waiting for us.

I rolled out of bed to do the routine that was the same everyday. They come get us to bathe, eat, then have a little social time. You should know the last one I never find myself intermingling with any of the patients. Depending on the day of the week they try to switch up the schedule throwing in recreational therapy.

There's only one person I talk to now, which is August. I kind of feel much more relaxed than before with everything bottled inside. Releasing it someway kept me from breaking down at some point.

Don't know when but it was bound to happen eventually. That's what Dr. Brown reminds me during my sessions. Speaking of that I have to go see him today.

I sat on the windowsill looking at cars drive in and out. It was visitation day for certain patients. I wish I had family to come visit me or him. A sigh escaped my lips as tears piled up at the brim of my eyes I fanned away.

They probably don't know if I'm alive or out there still searching for me. I felt a light tap on my shoulder caused me to turn my head. It was one of the nurses'.

"You ready for your session?" I nodded my head getting up following in tow. We walked through the long endless hallway same set of white walls surrounded me. I was hoping for a new scenery soon because it's all depressing being locked away without much to do.

"Go in he's expecting you." She said motioning her hands toward the door. I waltzed over to the couch knowing exactly what to do. He was gathering everything while I laid there thinking back to August letter. His words were reassuring and maybe, just maybe he's right about Dr. Brown being trustworthy.

I think today is the day I want to release these inner demons.

"Hello Ms. Chilombo." He flashed me a warm smile before sitting down. I knew he would begin with the infamous list of same questions he asked me during my sessions. But today was different because this time I actually mustered up the courage set my stubbornness aside to answer them.

When I first opened my mouth to speak Dr. Brown eyes widen. I don't blame him after all these years on top of that months spent here I never had a voice. Realistically of course I could talk but I decided not to because I wasn't who I thought I was anymore. That old Olyviah was dead and gone two years ago.

"Wow. You surprised me there. I was-."

"You wasn't expecting for me to repsond back I know." I said with a sigh turning my head towards him. "I think its time for me to find it in my will to let go, to stop letting my past guide my future. How will I prove to anybody or you rather I'm getting better if I don't talk? So I figured now was the right time.

"I'm glad you had a change of heart Ms. Chilombo. If it's anything I want to help you seek the proper care to get you well. I mean what I say when I only want the best for my patients." I nodded my head.

"I know that you just started talking to me but I'm really curious to know what made you mute up to this point? If you are not ready to share your story I can wait until you are." I shook my head no as another effortless sigh seeped through the crack of my lips. Here goes I thought to myself. I felt the speed of my heart pick up.

"One day my boyfriend and I were walking down the street holding hands enjoying each others company having a casual conversation. He was off of work I thought we should spend the day in the city. Who would have thought it was going to be our last time together?"