runaway boy | e.g.d

| twenty one |

I sat on my sofa, sniffling uncontrollably as I wiped under my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie. I'd been watching whatever was on the tv to try and keep my mind off of it, but it was impossible to stop thinking about him.

As soon as I began scrolling through the channels again, I hovered over the news, hesitating on whether to put it on. Anything could be on there, but the thought of hearing about Ethan, and if he was okay, was what lead me to clicking on the broadcast.
My heart began beating even heavier as the commercials came to an end, and the words, breaking news, were large and noticeable on the screen.
" eighteen year old Ethan Dolan, who killed his brother's bully in May of 2015, escaped from a prison in new jersey just three weeks ago " The woman spoke, my heart shattering as I heard his name.
I dreaded what she was about to say next, my whole body numbing as the words left her mouth.
" The teen's body was found tonight, just minutes ago, in a field in New Jersey. Reporters say that the boy had ended his own life, after weeks of running away "

Nothing, absolutely nothing, could have prepared me for the heartbreak I was experiencing right now. It felt as if something has just been tore from me, the part of me which I'd managed to gain back after having Ethan in my life. The part of me which I don't think I'll ever get back, now that he's gone.

I screamed in pain as the tears streamed down my cheeks, my hands clutching onto the hoodie I was wearing, which was the one Ethan had been wearing the day I met him. It's the only thing I have left of him. That, and the memories.
I could barely breathe, I found myself heaving for breaths as I watched the news report show the dandelion field, describing where he took his life tonight. I didn't want to hear it, I didn't want to hear anything about it, and so I turned it off, the only sound heard in my flat now were my loud sobs. They were incurable, this pain was incurable. Nothing would ever mend the loss of Ethan, no one could compare. No one, would ever compare.

I stuffed my hands into the pockets of the hoodie as I laid down on my sofa, the feeling of something inside making my whole body freeze.
I quickly pulled it out, wiping my glossy eyes with my hands, desperate to get rid of the blurry vision so I could see what I was holding.
Two pieces of paper. One with a random address, and another with Syd, written across the front.
I felt my nerves wrack up as my sobs calmed down, wanting to read his final words, wanting to know why he left me like this. I needed to read it, and so I shakily unfolded the paper, silent cries leaving my lips as I read it carefully.

to syd,

when you're reading this, I've most likely said my goodbye. This is my final goodbye, one in detail.

I didn't escape to get caught, or runaway for the rest of my life... my intention was always to end my life. I didn't want to die in prison, I wanted to end it all on my own terms, and try to experience the things that I had loved before I was arrested, all over again.

My heart broke again, thinking of Ethan knowing what was going to happen, knowing exactly what was in store for him, for us, was stomach turning. While I thought that we were having the time of our lives together, which we were, the thought of how he was going to end it all, lingered in the back of his mind, the whole time.

and that's exactly what I did.
when I saw you in that diner, I instantly remembered you. I would have never forgotten those bright green eyes, which I used to obsess over when I was sixteen.

it was as if no time had gone by, and you were just sat there like you always used to be, with your nose in a book. like the days where I used to tell myself that I didn't have a crush on you, and that I just liked admiring your beauty.

I smiled at his words, sniffling before wiping my eyes once more. The more I read the more I began to remember, thinking back to the times where I would enter the diner, the two cheeky looking boys being sat at the front, with Linda obsessing over their sweetness. It brought a smile to my face, a fond memory which I had only just remembered right now after reading his words.

you didn't remember me, and I didn't want you to. I thought that if I told you too much about myself, then you'd remember what I did, and leave me.
I wanted a fresh start, and that's what you gave me. I'll forever thank you for that.

You gave me the best three weeks I've ever had, and made me feel as if I didn't have anything to worry about it, when I had absolutely everything to worry about.

I got to experience all of the things I loved, with the girl I love, and I'm grateful for that.

I'm hoping that when you're reading this, you know just how much I love you, syd. You deserve to be told that everyday, and I just can't do that for you. I don't want you to ever forget that.
there's one thing, that I know for certain that I don't regret. and that's you.
I don't regret a second of my time spent with you, and I hope you don't either. you made my last few weeks, and my last few days, the best they could ever be.

and syd,
tell our baby that daddy loves them
with all of his heart. you're going to be an amazing mom, sydney.
I'll always be looking down on you and our little family.

I love you

- grant

My eyes instantly pealed down from the paper in my hands once I'd finished reading it, landing on my belly. There was nothing to show, no tests to prove, but I knew, he knew, we both knew. With that, I lifted my hand, gently caressing it as a tear fell from my eye, trailing down my skin. I was going to do exactly what Ethan wanted, be strong. I was going to be strong for him, for the runaway boy whom I fell madly, madly in love with.

" I love you, grant "

| THE END |