Micky's Poems

Try Not To Die

(Warnings: suicidal thoughts, self harm mention)
I'm trying not to die
Despite all that's happening.
I get the urge to do so
But I still shove it down.

Why? I don't know.
I just feel like I do.
That horrible feeling of numbness
Constantly dragging me down.

It drags others too,
And I constantly apologize
But eventually it's too much
And I'm alone again.

I can't reach out to anyone
Because I don't know how.
I'm so used to suffering silently
Though not by choice.

So naturally I think of death
But shove down that thought.
I just shove it down
And drown it all out.

If you're expecting something
Extremely profound,
Sorry, you hoped too much.
As usual, I disappoint.

Many people would argue
But online words are bullshit.
I rely heavily on actions
But it's impossible for that to happen.

My work is all for naught.
Everything ends.
But I guess I'll still live?
I don't know why.

If I'm cursed with loneliness
And hatred towards my way
Then living is illogical,
But I don't do anything.

I don't dig my nails.
I don't write things out.
I don't do anything
Except have a good cry.

Because of these new rules,
People forget that I'm nice.
The constant moodyness drowns it
And even I forget these things.

For now I'll just delete what I said
Except this poem itself.
I'll just never refer to it,
As per usual.

I'm not gonna die
For... I don't know.
I'll just suffer in silence
Like everyday of my life.