the dumping ground // one shots

probably // drabble

warnings - none really, just a sad and pining ryan

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it's been two weeks since alex lost his memories and ryan still isn't sure how he has lasted this long without telling the boy everything.

the doctors said it would be best for him to remember on his own, but ryan was not known for his patience. so instead, he had been avoiding the boy as much as he could.

however, he couldn't help the conversations he had accidentally started.

with a sigh, ryan shook his head and cleared his mind. he decided that one in the morning was not the best time to dwell on things. he had always struggled with his mental health, he knew for a fact this would make things worse.

he stood from his spot on the two seater sofa and made his way into the kitchen, intent on getting a glass of water. truthfully, he knew he wouldn't be able to get any sleep so he was attempting to distract himself.

the next day (well, in a few hours) alex was back at the hospital for another checkup. it was only a physical examination but ryan knew they would be asking questions about his mental state due to 'a severe case of retrograde amnesia, caused by head trauma'.

that was what the doctor said only a few weeks ago. ryan doesn't remember much of the accident, only blinding lights and skid marks that could still be seen from the front window.

but it was plainly obvious that alex was struggling with everything. the boy was always prone to frustration and the lack of normality in his life clearly was not helping.

safe to say, ryan was worrying himself sick over the boy.

after downing his small glass of water fairly quickly, he heard footsteps make their way down the stairs and into the living room. in curiosity ryan walked back to the room and was rather surprised to see alex sitting there.

"can't sleep?" ryan asked hesitantly, making himself known. alex only shook his head in response, "me neither."

he sat on the other side of the sofa, subtlety admiring how the moonlight illuminated the other boy's face. even with the faint scars and bruises, ryan thought he looked like an angel in that moment.

god, he missed alex so much. they were merely strangers now.

the boys basked in the quiet for a short while, enjoying each other's company until alex turned to ryan. he caught the other boy's attention with a clearing of his throat and, when ryan gazed at him, he noticed alex had an almost wistful look in his eyes.

"do uh - do we love each other?" alex asked in curiosity. ryan froze in shock but quickly shook it off, "yeah. we're a family here, we all love each other."

"no, no, no," alex stuttered out before gesturing to ryan and himself, "d - do we love each other?"

ryan paused for a moment and tried to think. it would be so easy to just tell alex that, yes. he was absolutely,
one hundred percent, in love with him.

but he couldn't.

"you tell me," he murmured, the pair unconsciously moving closer to each other.

"i don't know you," alex admitted quietly; ryan bit his lip and avoided the other's gaze, "but... from what i can tell, you're smart, handsome and we share the same sense of humour," he continued with a soft smile, "i probably would've loved you,"

and just like that, alex managed to rip ryan's already aching heart out of his chest (again). instead of showing it, the boy merely took a deep breath and glanced at alex with a small, crooked smile. he cocked his head and gestured for alex to go to his room, "get some rest, we both know the doctors'll have your head if you've not been sleeping."

maybe the absence of his memories made him more observant; ryan could have sworn he saw a flicker of understanding and guilt pass through the boy's eyes, "night ryan."

ryan watched him go with contrasting feelings. a determination to help alex recover was most prominent, but an everlasting ache still resided in his chest.

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i was procrastinating a one shot because i didn't know how to write part of it and this happened. i mean, i've got something out through the writer's block so i'm not complaining