My Injuries, Your Injuries (Completed)

Chapter 9

Updating twice because you guys definitely deserve it.
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I look down at my stitched arm, gosh, I feel like freaking quilt. I shake the thought off and look at Gerard, "What about it?"

"Um... I don't know how... or why... bu-but, um..." he stutters out, stopping after so he can just hold his arm out.

I don't know how he expected me to react, but I know my reaction is not what he planned it to be. I look down and just stare at his pale forearm, he had the same injuries. He even has the same burn scar from earlier. The emotions that are hitting me most currently are shock and confusion. I mean, surely this isn't possible. Right? Wrong, the evidence is right here! Somehow he possesses the power to injure me as well as himself.

But now after soaking in all of the initial shock and pushing away the confusion, I start to feel furious. This so called man is the reason why I can't show my forearms, thighs, or stomach. All because he is stupid enough to take all his problems out o himself?! Wow.

(Guys, this is just for the story, I do not actually think self harmers are stupid. Please don't hate me or tell other people that I think that because I don't. xoCrashFire)

"So, because you have some stupid urge to hurt yourself... I have to myself?! What is wrong with you?! Did you know about this? We're you aware that you were harming me as well? How much more pathetic can you get?!" I basically scream at him, I know I'm acting on impulse, not thinking this through, but damn.

"Stop yelling at me!" He shouts back, standing up and towering over me. "No, I didn't know about it. And one more thing, you little shit. Have you ever thought that it's people like you who make me do that? People telling me that I'm stupid, pathetic? Before you go acting like some holy child who isn't just as stupid and pathetic, go look at yourself, your flaws can't be much worse than mine." After all that being said, he storms off, going inside. I hear things get knocked over and Mikey shouting at him to tell him what happened. Suddenly... I feel horrible. Am I really a reason for people hurting themselves?

I sigh and slump down in my seat on the bench swing, just wishing I could turn my mind off for a minute. Why did I do that? I hate acting on impulse, this is where it gets me. It always pisses someone off and makes me feel like shit.

I need to apologize. Not right now, not while he's pissed the hell off. Later, maybe in a few hours or tomorrow. I know he won't forgive me, but it's worth a try, right?

I am also aware of one final thing, he's pissed off... probably upset too... don't people like that usually turn to self harm when they are stuck with emotions like that?

Well... maybe he's just destructive when he's pissed and is going to punch walls instead. I'd rather have my knuckles bruised than more scars on my arm.

I get up and cautiously go inside. I don't know how much Mikey knows, he can be scary when he's angry. So, I need to stay cautious. I open the door and walk into the kitchen, looking around for Mikey. "What'd you do to him?" I hear from a different room. It scared me a little, but I shook that off and walked in the direction in which I heard it come from.

After finding him in the living room, I walk over to Mikey and sit on the couch with him. "What'd you do?" Mikey asks again.

"I didn't do anything. I said something. After I found out Gerard was the whole reason behind this, I kind of... exploded?" It didn't sound like I stayed the last word, more like asked.

"Exploded, define that. Frank, Gerard is a sensitive person, you can't just explode on him when you know what he does," he whisper-yells at me. I guess he doesn't want Gerard to hear our conversation.

"Um... I kind of called his self harm habits stupid... an-and I, uh... may or may not have called him... pathetic." I whispered the last word, just praying to God that Mikey did not hear me. But of course he did, I was giving an explanation, so the whole time I spoke loud enough for him to hear.

"You called him pathetic?!" Mikey explodes, "Frank, he is not fucking pathetic! He has a problem and you doing that shit to him is not going to make him stop, it's going to feed the addiction. Guess who that hurts? It hurts him and, not to mention, you!" He is seething mad and all I can do is feel worse than I did after Gerard left. I can't believe how horrible I am.

"I know, Mikey... I know I'm a horrible person, I'm trying to work out how to apologize. I acted on impulse. I was mad because I thought he knew he was doing that to another person. I just... I'm sorry." A few tears start to stream down my cheeks, I never enjoyed being yelled at. Especially when it makes me feel utterly terrible.

"Don't apologize to me," he states and points towards the staircase. I understand immediately what he's talking about. I hesitate to stand, I'm actually scared to go up there. What of he beats the shit out of me? I mean, yeah, I deserve it, but I'd still rather that not happen.

"Which door?" I ask quietly.

"First one on the left," he replies simply and looks away from me, looking like he can't stand to look at me.

I take in a heavy breath and walk up the stairs. I take my sweet time, I want to hold off doing this for as long as possible. I've never been the best at apologizing, especially in times like this; when I know I really should.

When I arrive at his door, I curl my hand into a fist, but I don't hold it up to knock. Not yet. I think of what I need to say, what I need to explain, how to say it.

After clearing my mind and figuring everything out, I raise my fist and lightly knock on the door three times.

"Go away, Mikey, I'm not in the fucking mood," he shouts angrily. I knock again, not bothering to tell him that it's me, not Mikey. Something comes in contact with the door, creating a loud 'bang', making me jump. "Go the fuck away!" I hear shortly after. I just won't have that though, so I knock some more. Shortly after, the door swings open and a very pissed Gerard is towered over me, "What the fuck do- oh. It's you. Go away." He makes a move to slam the door, but I move my foot and stop it with my shoe.

"I need to say something to you," I say cautiously, but get straight to the point.

"Oh? Weren't you done with your little rant? Did you want to tell me more about how pathetic I am? Or how stupid I am?" He crosses his arms and leans against the doorframe. I'm not going to lie, he looks pretty intimidating and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to run away. None the less, I choose to stand my ground.

"No, I'm here to apologize. What I did was really immature and I'm sorry. I acted out of anger and impulse and I didn't realize just how bad the situation was. If I was thinking more clearly, none of that shit would have been said," I explain. I know I sound pathetic, trying to explain myself to someone who probably hates my guts.

"So, if you would've been thinking clearly, you would've just lied your ass off? I know I hate what you said to me, but I do prefer the truth." He moves a bit and stands up straighter, but still leaning against the doorframe.

That really just confused me. I don't know how to respond, but I refuse to give up. I hurt him and I want him to know that I'm well and truly sorry. "I don't know how to answer that. I just mean that when I act on impulse or anger, I say a bunch of shit I don't mean."

He rolls his eyes and stares down at me, "So, what I was trying to ask is 'do you really think self harmers are pathetic and stupid?'" He reiterates, making this a lot easier on me.

"No, no. I was just mad, I'm sorry. I know I hurt you and that makes me feel like shit," I reply, letting him know just how I feel about my actions.

He narrows his eyes a little, but not like he's trying to glare at me, more like he's trying to think. "I don't exactly forgive you yet, but whatever. At least I don't have to go through and constantly think about one more person thinking I'm pathetic." He sends me a small smile and goes to close the door, but I stop him again.

"Another person?" I ask. "Gerard, why exactly do you self harm?" This question never popped up in my head after I found out that it's him. All I could focus on was being angry. Since I hurt him, I just feel like I need to make it up to him, with more than an apology. I'm going to help him quit.