Falling for Mark Tuan | (Sequel) | Markson

Chapter 24 | Not the same [;;]

Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, mentions of death.

If you love them, let them go... right?

I wish it was that simple.

It took me three hours to get back home.
The first two hours I spent crying on the cold gravel.
The other hour I spent was in the car, contemplating whether or not to drive myself into a tree.

When I got home it took me two hours to tell Mum what had happened.
The first hour I collapsed onto my bedroom floor and sobbed.
The second hour I spent screaming, tearing my clothes out of my suitcase and throwing them to the ground, finding anything I could to lash out on.

Why did it have to be them?

Out of all people, it had to be them.

They didn't have to die but they did.

The world is so unfair.

"Mark, what's wrong?!" Mum yelled, snatching the lamp I was going to break out of my hands.
"Go away!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, pushing her away.
"Mark!" She screamed back, stumbling slightly before regaining her balance.

That's when I fell to the ground and cried for the third time that night.

Mum knew something was wrong since I got home, but she didn't bring it up.

Until now.

"Honey, what's the matter? Is it Jackson and Jinyoung?"

The mention of their names nearly killed me.
I want to die.

I nodded, bringing my knees to my chest and resting my head against them. Tears escaped my eyes, but I couldn't feel anything.

I was completely numb.

"Where are they? What happened?"

"Dead."

That was the only thing I could say before I broke again.

Mum was both confused and terrified.

"What? How?" She whispered, kneeling in the spot beside me.
"Car accident," I sobbed, my body trembling uncontrollably.
Mum didn't say anything more, but I heard her silent sobs and whimpers.

No one saw this coming.

Nothing in my life has hurt more than this.

I don't want to live anymore.

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The next morning was harder than the previous night.

The spot Jackson slept a day ago was now empty.
His suitcase was exactly where he left it.
I saw Jackson everywhere I looked.

And I didn't want to. So I slept.
The whole day I decided I'd rather stay in bed than go outside, there's no point in spending the day outside if I have no one to spend it with.

I tried to eat but I threw everything back up before it could do me any good.

I spent three hours in the bath staring at the water deciding whether I should drown myself or not.

I decided not, for Mum's sake.

I really did try to do everyday things.
But I couldn't because it's not everyday without Jackson.

I can't help but think what Jackson was thinking when it happened.

Or if it hurt.

If he was in pain.

If he was alive for a while and bled to death.

The same with Jinyoung.

Either way, it just proves, Jackson and Jinyoung do everything together.

The image of their lifeless bodies is etched into my mind, so much that whenever I close my eyes I see them. I see the lights. I see the car.

To think they could have lived makes it even worse.

If it wasn't for that driver, they would be alive. I would have my baby back and I would be joking around with Jinyoung.

But just like everything else I've ever loved, Jackson was snatched away from me without a goodbye.

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Three days later Wonho came to pick me up and take me back to College.
We stayed silent most of the time, the small talk was painful, but I got through it.

"I'm here if you need to talk about it, Mark," Wonho spoke softly, keeping his eyes on the road.
"I know," I whispered.

I know he's there, but I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to even think about it.

"Why did you come pick me up? I could have driven myself back." I croaked, avoiding all contact as much as possible.
"Do you really want to know?" Wonho asked me, a sigh escaping his lips,
"Yes, I do."
"I came to pick you up because I was scared."
"Of what?"

Wonho stayed silent for a second, as if he was hesitating whether or not to say it, but he did.

"I was scared you were going to run yourself off the road."

His words hit me like a truck.

He was worried about me.
The thing that hit the most is that I would have done exactly that.

And, once again, I cried.

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To think Jackson and Jinyoung went to go collect groceries and never came home still amazes me.

Amazes me in the most sick way possible.

To think they were probably laughing about something Jackson said with the speakers blasting music seconds before they greeted death.

To think they could have survived if I had let Jackson go a bit earlier, or kept him back a little later, maybe they wouldn't be the ones in body bags.

To think Jackson and I were talking about our future life days before his life was cut short.

And to make it worse, Jackson and I's 1 year anniversary is so soon.
And the only think I'm taking to Korea is a heavy heart and a very long apology to the my dead boyfriend and his best friend's parents.

I just wish I had went with them.
Then it would hurt less.

------////A/N: Late update I'm sorry and it's not very long buT next chapter will be better I swear.
[Summary: Mark told his mother about Jackson & Jinyoung's death. Mark contemplates the car accident. Wonho comes to pick Mark up and take him back to College]
-Dimsum 💚 16-3-18