Falling for Mark Tuan | (Sequel) | Markson

Chapter 25 | The End [;;]

Warning: Angst.
The first few weeks without Jackson was by far the hardest time of my life I've ever faced.

Loving someone for so long and then having them ripped away from you in a second is so darn painful.

Every time I think of him, my chest tightens and I feel as if a knife is stabbing my heart every time I breathe.

What hurts more is that I'm starting to forget.
I'm starting to forget how his hand feels in mine, the smell of his shampoo and even the sound of his voice (not just the audio from videos I have on my phone). I'm so scared that one day I'll forget all the simple things like the colour of his eyes, the length of his hair and the warmth of his skin.
I'm scared one day I'll forget Jackson Wang.

I've had multiple calls from BTS, Hoseok especially. A lot of the time they avoid the subject, asking me how I am and informaing me on the latest news. They know I hate to talk about it and it's something I've avoided.

I can't avoid the sorrowful glances I get around campus and the amount of 'I'm so sorry' I receive in the hallway.

How can they be sorry? There is nothing they could have possibly done to stop what happened. Why are they sorry? They didn't do anything? Do they think it makes me feel better? Nothing can make me feel better right now. Does it make them feel better? Knowing I'm suffering but not actually doing anything about it?

I'm glad though, I hate it when strangers think they know me. Think they have it worse.

Minhyuk, Kihyun and Hyungwon cleaned out Jinyoung's side of the room before I came home, Wonho moved in with me to fill the absent bed.

Jooheon, Shownu, Changkyun boxed Jackson's  belongings in his room, sending his stuff back to Korea and keeping one box for me to go through when the time is right.

I've decided to drop out of Sociology, the absence of Jinyoung and Jackson is way too strong to not be felt, I figured I could just transfer schools and do a different degree. I'm moving out in a month, but that won't stop the countless visitors (all 7 of them) coming to my new College.

But, for now, I have to endure life without Jackson and Jinyoung. Something that is so hard to grasp. I've gotten used to seeing them every single day that now everything feels so empty.

Is this what heartbreak feels like?
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"Showcase starts in 10 minutes, and it'll take 3 minutes to get there if we sprint so you got 7 minutes until we need to leave," Wonho spoke, lacing up his shoes.
"Okay," I muttered, lacing up my own before seeking a brush to somewhat control my hair.

Changkyun told me I didnt have to come, especially because Jackson is featured in the video. I thought I wouldn't go. I wouldn't be able to handle anything to do with Jackson. But now that I'm starting to forget him, I'm realising I don't want to forget him. I should cherish everything Jackson left behind.
Including this.

Wonho and I had barely made it before the doors started closing.
With two minutes to spare (of our seven minutes), we had lost the dorm keys. Causing a rush of panic and a lot of unreasonable solutions (like, 'lets leave it unlocked... we won't get robbed). We found them three minutes later, under Wonho's cap.

So in two minutes, we crossed the campus.

Pretty impressive if you ask me.