kelsey

Reasoning

At this point, I am thinking of turning back time to make sure Matt doesn't see me. He is currently waiting for me to respond and I stand there, hoping he doesn't realize that I'm still waiting for him to run from me in fear.

"You're not scared of me, are you?" My voice quivered and I was scared that I would have to use even more of my power and be in bed all day.

"Why would I be?"

"Because, I can do really bad thing to you with a single thought."

"Well, I figured that if you wanted to hurt me, you would have already. You don't seem to be the type of person to who wastes time to plot a anything dangerous."

"Well I'm not. I don't kill anyone. It's always an accident. I never mean it."

"What do you mean?"

"I killed my parents. Because of me, there are students from my high school class who now have breathing problems."

"You aren't making any sense."

"I caused the car accident that my parents died in. I caused the fire at the dance that people still suffer from. I'm the reason I can't have a relationship. There's so much I'm missing out on because of my condition and there's nothing I can do."

"What?"

"Because I have powers, my life isn't what I thought it would be. Everyone thinks it would be amazing to be a Supernaturalist, but it's not. It's not, because you constantly have to keep your emotions in check. You have to be careful not to let anyone come too close to you. You have to control nosebleeds, headaches and blackouts. Anyway it's not fun, knowing that even though you can help so many people who are suffering from drought, frostbite, wet seasons, earthquakes, and so many other natural disasters; you can't. You can't help because if you were to help, it would never be enough."

"I can see how it's bad to have powers but I can't see why you can't help those who need it."

"Because, if someone were to find out that I was a Supernaturalist, they would use me for their own selfish purposes.  Humans are selfish and they are not good. Sure there are a few good humans, but for the most part, they wouldn't accept me for who I am. I know this for a fact. And not only that, if I were to use my powers to help in huge ways, I could die from exhaustion."

"Wow, that is quite a speech. Now I've learned a lot just by being in the circus. No one is normal, no one is ordinary. We all have something special about us. Whether it be that you can burp the alphabet, juggle with fire, or you have a certain mark on you that is shaped weird, we are all accepted in the circus because there are weirder people out there that are too afraid to show their face." He attempts to lighten the mood and joke with me, "You know I have never seen your face entirely since you got here? I've only seen a small fraction of your scars."

I take off my scarf that hid away a majority of my face and allow him to actually look at me. He expresses shock, then tenderly reaches out to touch them. I pull away as tears form in my eyes and push him away, harshly. 

"Hey, it's okay. I like your scars. They make you who you are."

"They are my punishment. Don't tell anyone about anything I said or I will make sure that you will never know about me. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to clean up for breakfast then go see what your dad needs me for." I turn my back to him and run away from everything that I have ever voiced to Matt.

We all have the fear of going out into the world and showing everyone who we truly are. For some, we can overcome that fear, some help others overcome the fear, but others, like me, will never show their face to society and do something to help change the world for the better. I will never be one of those people who can waltz around, perfectly comfortable in their own skin. I will be part of the ones who cower away from people and cameras to hide themselves. Most of them don't have a reason behind this, other than the fear of not being loved. I have a reason, I'm dying and there is nothing I can do to save those around me. When I die, I'll have affected so many people so I have to do the reasonable thing. The only thing I can do is try to minimize the damage I will cause.