The Industry

Emotions

Three Months Later

Colson

It's been a rough few weeks for me. I was on a joint tour with Linkin Park and unfortunately, my friend Chester Bennington passed away. Following his passing, the media was going wild with trying to understand why he did what he did. Some believe it's a conspiracy theory but ultimately his death was ruled an apparent suicide. Chester was very much going through some things and it's been hard on his bandmates and also his family and friends. I wish the media could be more respectful of certain details surrounding his death for his families sake. It's hard being in the public eye and having all eyes on you. Being famous and well known isn't all it's cracked up to be. The lifestyle, money, clothes, cars, boyfriends/girlfriends. Are all smoke and mirrors they won't be there forever. When we're suffering and need someone to talk to we're mocked and made fun of. That's when the substance and alcohol abuse gets in the mix so we can just stop feeling the way that we're feeling. My friends Slim, Baze, Dre, Rook, and Valeria have been by my side checking in on me from the time since the tour ended. I couldn't ask for a better group of people to surround myself with.

I have Casie staying with me for two weeks since it's summer and her school is out. I haven't really introduced Valeria and Casie to each other yet and I think now might be a good time. After all, Val has been apart of my friend circle for a bit now. Valeria and I aren't in any kind of relationship, we haven't been affectionate in a little while. She has been keeping things between us strictly friendly and I'm fine with that. Halsey used to be around a lot more and even encouraged me to pursue something with Valeria and of course, nothing became of that. Halsey has been cozying up to Gerald who's stage name is "G-Eazy" which I think is a pun off of Eazy-E' name. Lately she has been dabbling in some angel dust (aka cocaine) she asked me if I could give her some for the road, I told her no and of course, Gerald got her some. I don't want Halsey caught up with that because I consider her like family. Drugs destroy lives and I would hate to see people I care about caught up in it.

My hair has been falling out in the front due to stress and coloring my hair a lot. I'm not embarrassed about it but it's something I've been trying to hide. In passing people have made comments on my appearance saying I look frail and I'm aging fast. Some think it's from me not getting enough sleep or I'm not eating at all when really it's from all the alcohol and different substances I chose to relax. I shouldn't be acting like this anymore I'm twenty eight years old but the way I'm acting is like I'm back at being nineteen again. I'm not getting any younger and I just want someone who's going to love me for me. I don't think I've found someone like that yet.

~

Sitting on the couch next to my daughter and I'm just admiring how awesome she is. She's just way too smart for me. I thought she wasn't aware of what was going on with me but she does. They say that children are more in tune with other people's behaviours. I never want to involve Casie into adult conflicts. A child should be a child for as long as they're supposed to be. I don't want her to grow up before her time.

Casie looked over at me and asked, "Daddy can you sing 27 with me?"

I got up and picked up one of Baze' guitar in the corner and started strumming the chords to 27.

And if I must go and die at 27
Then at least I know I died a legend
Now, will you roll and ride like we're together?
And keep the vibe alive inside forever
And feel me forever
They say I need to slow down, but I don't know how