L O S T lil xan

•Not an Update•

Okay, so I just need to say a few things . Important things . So the ones that has been here reading "Lost" needs to know I'm basing my life off of it . You see things that you never expect to see at such a young age . Never would imagine of getting taking advantage of at only the age four. Things changed you forever .

At four keeping everything in that happened to you by a men that's sick in the head , not being able to tell until age ten. Six years keeping the pain inside . Hating life at only ten . Such an angry child , that hated the world.

Had to talk to counselors how you felt . But you felt numb. You didn't want to bring that horrible memory back in your head to get the tears to fall. So you stay silent. Just with only a few tears to fall.. every appointment costed money  to talk to cry. So you just stop going . Then a year later , your brother dies from  suicide , just after turning your 11th birthday. More and more anger-builds . The pain destroys you more and more. While his death was killing you . Your mom got with a psycho , that had dangerously eyes . His eyes where burning into yours .. He was the  definition of the Devil.

He beat your mother , with force . Leaving marks .. You screaming for him to stop but you only made it worst .. living on the streets . Motel after motel . More anger-builds and kills. Sleeping on the floor not heat or lights and it was the middle of January. You laid there with a huge green blanket to keep you warm staring off into the dark .. few tears falling.

Going to school seeming like everything's alright with a smile shinning brighter than the sun.

At age 13 that's when you finally bring a blade to your wrists . You find a way to release the bigger pain that kills you mostly everyday. To have a different pain to feel and feel okay for a bit even though the blood is falling  your wrist.

But it doesn't bother you. You stare and watch . Staring at the dark blood dripping ..

At 15 , just turning 15 and celebrating another year of your brothers death. You've lost your mind . Everything that has happened everything you've seen falling burst . The anger that build all those years finally cracked!

You start going crazy . Hearing , seeing , dreaming deadly things. You stay up all night making sure you're sisters are okay . Or even scared that you might do something to them from the voices . That ringed your ears. Make you scream for them to stop. But they only get louder and laugh at you .

That's when you start getting into the mental hospitals so you don't hurt anyone. You stop yourself from hurting anyone so you hurt yourself. Even tried to kill your self . From everything that all around you that happened ... happened for two years. None stop.

Age 16 , you're mom starts to get addicted to drugs ... the only of the deadly drugs ... herion. The house , that you lived in wasn't a home anymore the home you always wanted you finally got but it fell apart . Everything around changed with only a  blink of an eye. All those times you thought your mother was tired almost bout to fall over in the bathroom . So you try to help her lay down.. But she just got done shooting up.

She started to sell stuff, steal stuff from her own kids for drugs. Hardly food in the house. Having to share your food with your dogs because they were skin and bones . You didn't know what to do . The only thing that came to your mind was to sell , sell drugs to get money to get a real meal in your little sisters stomachs.

One night when your mother left you go upstairs as fast as you can . To see what's been happening . As soon as you get there you see needles many .. many bent spoons . Finally knowing where they've been all this time.. And your heart drops when you look under the bed and see this hard white stone .. Not knowing if it was meth , herion or what .. You run , you pack a bag and leave . After your mother came home you couldn't even look into her eyes because you knew she wasn't the same . So you run and go to your friends house and get high and drunk to numb your pain...

Then you or your little sisters didn't get Christmas that year . Then your mom finally goes get help . But lost everything you owned . Is on the crib.

The only thing you had was your care bear blanket that you had since you were 2 and had it all threw the bad times and a bag of clothes . You go to your real dads , who's on also on bad drugs .

One night you guys get into it and he kicks you out and as you are bout to go he chokes you saying you're not leaving and as you push him away you run . Run not looking back at the pain . You go to your friends and cry . They had school the next day but you dropped out . But you stayed there and cried . Then you go to your aunts .

More too a whole new town not knowing anyone ! Moving from your sisters .  You felt so alone . You stay up all night & cry hard. Everything happened to you the memories the pain .. just comes back . You was officially broken . Got into it with your Aunt go to jail for 15 days ...

Now almost 18 , two more weeks. Not knowing if you should continue because you feel like you've made you . You done it ! But then you realize that your story can help your store can change people . Can help people .

Guys , so I've been waiting to tell you guys my story . Everyone has a story . And you guys are all beautiful so beautiful even if you don't feel or get called beautiful.. just know me Skyler Joy Stinard from Ohio loves you with everything I have . I don't even have to know you . Just know I care for people. Even the ones that hurt me . I still care and love . Besides the one that killed me . I forgive him though .

I can't just let it affect me anymore . I have to more on and love the things that are more important to life . And just be someone's hero . Be there to know that I love them . And know that I'm here always be here for any of you guys .. just know that there's someone that's here even if we're miles away !! Please come to me !!

-Skyler