Dear Love

day 4

3-28-18 // 11:44 pm

Dear Love,

I've awoken from a period of being in and out of sleep for 6 hours. I feel like there's nothing for me to be awake for. nobody waiting on me to wake up. there isn't anymore

i almost left school this morning but dr. f. talked me into staying . i just couldnt handle it in those moments that i had with myself and my thoughts. i have plenty of people by my side, plenty of people to turn to and talk to and confide in. but i want you and i hate this. i hate you.

i cant seem to stop thinking of you, dreaming of you, fantasizing that this will all be okay and none of its real. its too real for me. its too much.

today was an alright day i i remove the thoughts of you. this morning i got an eligibility letter for the national honor society which means im doing something right in school. i was also asked to prom by Abby. i checked out two books from the school library that im very excited to have. i also found out i may have a chance with carson.

im too broken right now though. i cant let people see all the broken pieces, especially someone i have a chance with. it'll scare them away.

i still dont think i know who i am and this feels like the only way i can talk about it, with you in these letters you'll never see. strangers may take what they will from this but i miss you and hate you and love you all at once. it hurts so much, love. 

i really need you to come back to me. please

please come back

11:53 pm