Dear Love

day 11

4-4-18 // 9:30 pm

Dear Love, 

today was nice. I think I actually did well during open gym for volleyball. I at least know a little more now and what I'm supposed to do. I was told I did pretty good for my first time.

before that, I met a guy at burger king where I had got my coffee before going over to the school. he worked there and he gave me his number after complimenting my figure and my smile. it was nice to be hit on by someone attractive. I don't think anything will come of it but it was nice to be noticed I guess.

ive been looking more into transgender stuff. I did a little research on surgeries on the like. I'm considering telling my dad. I think I need a gender therapist, that's kind of how it works. 

but anyway, ill be seeing carson tomorrow. I'm so nervous. of course, we'll be joined by two other friends but still, the last time I sat next to carson (in theology at the desk next to his), my whole body was shaking for a minute before I could regain my composure and focus back on my work.

carson is such an intriguing person and I want to know more about him. I hope we sit next to each other on our little outing tomorrow. 

I hope youre doing okay, ya know. as much as I hate you, I still hope you're okay, at least generally. I actually hope you feel guilty for leaving me when I needed you. because I still need you. I need someone to depend on and someone to depend on me. I don't really have that now that my siblings are gone and you too.

well, guess that's really all I have to say for now. 

9:37 pm