Dear Love

day 7

3-31-18 // 6:07 pm

Dearest,

i didn't write yesterday. well, obviously. i spent most of the day reading, anticipating the night to come because i was invited out to overnight laser tag - 10 pm to 7am.

god, it was amazing. last night/early this morning was absolutely amazing. my first game was awkward and lame and for fuck's sake i was so nervous but it was incredible. it was fun. Ally's friend are great and i sort of met someone? but not really. 

ally's two friends were trying to be wingmen all night for me but i couldn't do it and its kinda funny now. 

he has my number.

i said two things to him in two different rounds of laser tag after embarrassing myself 3 times previously without actually interacting with him (ally's friends seem to be just as good at embarassing me as she is) 

the first time i said something to him was a round of laser tag in which we were playing capture the flag. i was in a little halllway ramp leading up to my team's base (the cute guy was on the opposing team unfortunately) and he came around the corner with his vest lights off meaning of course he had been shot out and it was the most awkward thing because all i said was "your vest isnt on" and he just kinda stood there and this whole thing probably lasted 3 seconds but seems so much more drawn out in my head. i was caught off guard i guess when his vest came back on because he shot me out immediately and ran off up the ramp.

so a little more information i guess is that the whole night, i was always looking at him, always finding an excuse to be in the same area as him. he was honestly captivating but nothing special at the same time? he had light brown hair that was almost blonde but not quite. he was verY tall and he was wearing a black logic tshirt and some basketball shorts. he was always surrounded by his friends though and i think that really discouraged me to approach him. i swore to my friends that at one point before a round started, his friend were teasing him about me when i was approx. 3 feet away from them ready to enter the arena. his voice was quite nice too and not at all obnxious; the complete opposite of mine really. i was being loud and obnoxious all night with my posh british accent

but anyway, the second time i said something to him was in the second to last round i participated in and that was around 4 am i think. there was this little closed off room and i was sitting in one of the corners, pretty exhausted by that point and i didnt really plan on actually running around and participating in the round. but in comes, cute guy. i look up at him and say dumbly "oh, hello" and he gives me this look that's kind of cute and i cant explain the look properly and i wish i could because i can remember it in my head perfectly at this moment. 

but that was the only other thing i said to him. he never spoke a word to me. 

later on, probably 5 am now, their group was pretty much down with laser tag and honestly, so was i. first one of ally's friends convinced me to go and watch cute guy play guitar hero and it was exhilirating being so close then. i was going to apologize for my friends harassing him earlier in the night like we had planned and then i'd ask him for his name. unfortunately, that didnt happen but i wish i had the guts. eventually he moved over to air hockey again and i of course followed with ally's friend. she made sure that i was closest to him after about 5 minutes of inching closer and closer. i liked watching his facial expressions as he played, the way he rolled his eyes when the little puck went in on his said was adorable. the way he swore was pretty attractive too. he played another round with ally's friend (she had kinda planned it just so i'd have another oppurtunity to speak to him) i never took the oppurtunity and eventually he was done playing air hockey.

him and his friend started cleaning up their table and they bounced around that side of the room for a little bit, messing with the arcade games. they played a little bit of basketball ( not really, he was using as much force as he could to get other balls unstuck from the top of the game) we, meaning me and ally's friend were sat on the air hockey table, watching. i almost had worked up the courage to go and tap his shoulder but it just never happened. 

around 6:30, it was ending. the fun. it was really surreal, all of it. lounging on an air hockey table and hopelessly pining over a guy across the room. him and his friends moved to the entrance lounge where there were more arcade games but they stuck around the claw machine, where we still had a view of them from our air hockey table. 

7am, we had moved into the other room. the ones left were waiting for rides. i was waiting for my sister to get out of the last round of laser tag, watching cute guy and his friends mess around with the claw machine, trying to win stupid rubber ducks. my friends had convinced me that he had looked at me the two times i passed behind them but by that point i had kinda lost hope that i would work up the courage to approach him. 

he left and my words as he walked out the door was "well, that's it then."

those were my last words to you too.

my sister eventually come out of the last round and we got into my dad's car after i gave ally and her friend hugs.

it was surreal. the sun was coming up and it was light outside and i think everything was a little bit beautiful and it still is. 

we went to george's kitchen and i was so close to passing out honestly but i ate some oatmeal and drank some hot chocolate, all the while, daydreaming/ sort of actually dreaming about this cute guy who probably tossed out my number. 

we left. once i got home, i stripped off my tight clothing and changed into some baggy sweats leaving my tshirt on. i put on a song ive been listening to on repeat for a couple days now and passed out eventually. 

the thing was, i couldnt seem to stay asleep. i woke up every hour or so after dreaming of him and i guess i really hoped there'd be a text waiting for me. around 11, i got out of bed and headed out to the roof, just to sit for a few moments.

everytthing was still so beautiful.

i went back to sleep and i think i slept until 3, still filled with dreams of this cute guy but i didnt mind too much. we cuddled and talked and held hands.

i've been awake since then. i finished up the book i had been reading. and it's just been peaceful i guess.

everything is still a little bit beautiful and i really hope i get a text from the cute guy. i should probably go and make some dinner now. tomorrow's easter and i also should do some cleaning and laundry. 

sometimes, i wish i could talk to you for real and not in these letters but i could never really say these things to you. 

guess i should get to my responsibilities..

later, then

6:47 pm