A Spark Of Hope

I Am Not Normal

1) You live an as normal life as you can. Hiding within every shadow as it were the blanket your mother first cradled you in.

2) You're anxiety acts as protection from everyone who has ever walked away from not only you, but your mother as well. As they walk away you think "well they're missing out!" But what exactly are they missing out on? Wounds that scar like a knife to your stomach, a so called picky eater not wanting to pick up their fork because they feel as if every bite was a cry of the little dog as he watches his once lover; the dish, run away with the spoon, a broken heart that has been already broken so many times that it is like trying to piece together a broken glass that your father threw to the floor before he left you alone; cutting your skin like paper.

3) You wonder what the worth of living is, as if you could buy like sex can buy happiness to the man or woman on 4th street.

4) You were 9 years old. You had learned that to have feelings for a member of the same sex was a crime. But you realized that would make you a criminal. So you pass go only collecting 100 dollars not 200 because lord knows woman can't get more. You hide into your closet-I MEAN; jail

5) Her name was Rylee. She saw that you stuck out worse than our problem with equality. The difference was that she solved the problem the first time. She showed you the light like the angel she was. You never got to close to her because you were afraid of burning. But soon you didn't care, all you knew was that when you were with her you felt something new; happiness.

6) Rylee moved without you getting the chance to tell her. Every time you had the chance there was a paper bag over your mouth that you were breathing in because every time she looked at you the air was knocked out of you like it was when you heard that your mother was okay with same sex marriage.

7) This happened to you again, but worse, way worse. Worse than the bruises society left on you from your last liking's. It was November 3rd 2017. You go on a date with another. Your laughter comes from not your throat; but rather your heart. Your laughter comes from the pain of longing for someone to hold you. Your laughter comes from the silence that you once held onto like the wallet your father made for you. That wallet is lost like the woman who was once hiding in my closet since I was 9.

8) I am not normal,  which scares my mother; for her image of a perfect daughter is no longer normal. I am not normal and society can accept that or bite me. I am not normal but neither are the letters L G B T Q in society's alphabet. I am not normal and haven't been since 2013. I am not normal and it is 2018 now. I am not normal, and whether you accept that or not I will wear my rainbow proud.