LOVE MYSELF - LOVE YOURSELF

18.

So I've been thinking that there are two different aspects of loving yourself.
There is:
Loving your mind (literally your being)
And
Loving your body
I kinda am being quite successful at loving my mind, but what's the hardest for me is definitely to love my body.
I guess it's different from each person to another,
But I guess I can just talk about my case.
So I have been trying to take care of my body as difficult as it may seem to me.
And when I say difficult,
I MEAN
FREAKING.
DIFFICULT.
AS HELL.
Because I used to say "I don't care I will do what I want"
That was it.
For that same reason it seems to be hard to change that habit of mine
It's what has been on my mind the whole week, so my thoughts were kind of trying to find a way to take care:
Should I be vegan? How many meal should I have and how big should they be? How should I be able to only live from vegetables and fruits?? Why the hell do I keep eating sweets? I want to take care but I don't know what exactly I should do and I don't find the will power to actually do it!!
So, yeah.
That's what I've been thinking recently.
And some of you may not understand what I'm talking about and will probably say something like "Just eat healthy and eat a lot of fruits and vegetables and drink a lot of water and blablablabla" (Excuse me if you feel offended by my tone or my expressions)
But I unconsciously actually know what I could do better.
My only problem is that I can't start caring about my body.
I have still that feeling of "I don't care I can do whatever I want to"
And I know it's wrong and that I should care about it,
But I kinda can't.
It could also be because of my childish side.
It feels like I should but I don't want to.
Kind of like the lazy-thinking, right?
It's my nature I guess, but I still want to change that.

(I actually hope you know that there are some things I don't tell you, because I'm afraid one of my classmates finds this and starts making rumours or tells everyone about my "problems" even thought I've kept them secretly for quite a time, but I hope you understand why I say all those things.)

So I will try my best at living healthily! I hope I can love my body someday and give it all it needs, the same way I hope I can love my mind completely and be what you could call as "The true me"