LOVE MYSELF - LOVE YOURSELF

65.

Life tends to hit you so hard and so fast,
It's hard to see what you are even doing sometimes.
My life until now, it feels like I've been running for years
Hoping that the place I was running to was the place I was expected to go to,
But I've never known where I have been running to.
Sometimes I feel tired just from waking up and from having to talk to other people,
On other days I can do multiple things without feeling tired.
It's funny how I always expect myself to do everything right everyday if I don't even feel the same everyday.
Life wasn't supposed to be like this, right?
But what is life even supposed to be like?
I don't really now, but I just know it's supposed to be lived and I don't know if I'm living right now.
Sometimes it feels like everyone is going forward and they are leaving me behind,
Even though I'm going as fast as I can at the moment it still feels like it isn't enough to keep up with the rest.
As if I am not doing as good as the rest of the world is doing right now.
I think I will find it out somewhere in the future,
Maybe all of my anxiety will be explained someday, when seen from a different perspective or from another time in my life,
But I guess life feels tiring most of the time.

I like to write things down.
I don't really know why, but I think it helps me to get things out of my mind.
Later on, when I read it,
I will probably think
"What was I thinking when I wrote this?"
Or
"Did I really feel this bad?"
But sometimes it feels like I can't worry about tomorrow
It feels like anxiety blurs everything besides worries out.
Some think that just because I'm trying to love myself and to keep going I don't get depressed or feel down,
Some think that I'm someone they can look up to.
Everybody gives their best at the most things they can at the moment.
I have fears.
I feel lonely sometimes.
Like everyone does.
And times passes way too fast to let me take my breath.
Life doesn't give breaks, to nobody.
And if I'm being honest there are many things I don't tell to people because I'm afraid of what they will think about me.
There are things we all might be afraid to tell because of the fear of being judged
And sometimes it hurts to have to keep going even though you don't want to, but
I have the hope that everything will be alright someday.
Maybe tomorrow, maybe in 1 week.
If I don't hold on a little longer I will never now what God has prepared for my life.
And it's okay if you don't believe in God,
You must only believe that life gets better
Like I do when I'm at my darkest nights...