EmPATHETICally Blind (A skinny love story)

Chapter 20: Relapse comes back like the horrible monster it is

   Emilee's POV:

They say that loneliness sets us apart from others, making us feel negative, more fragile, and self-critical. I felt all those things as I sat huddled up in my corner of the tent, freezing my ass off, wet, feeling the beginning of a cold, and feeling the utter rejection that Matt just brought unto me. When he found out about my scars, I could feel curiosity, critisism, sadness, but mostly disgust come from him. And when I told him my other secret, I felt more disgust, fear, nervousness, and anger even. Not only did he know my two biggest secrets, but he totally rejected me for them.

        I knew guys weren't perfect. That they didn't just kiss your scars and remind you you're beautiful, saying they'd "fix you". I didn't live in a fucking John Green book afterall. 

But I at least expected a little more respect. Like hm, maybe telling me that I was making him uncomfortable? Instead of acting like I told him I was pregnant or had leporacy or something like that. He shouldn't be mad at me for hiding things from him, because he did the same.

Then again, I respected his boundries. I never forced him to tell me, like he did with me. I felt horrible, wanting nothing more than to be away from him, and I knew he felt the same. My parents told me to never go to bed angry. Well, we sorta just did. 

Maybe our friendship was one of the easily broken ones. Ones that stood through a lot, but eventually shattered. Even if it was just for a month or so.

        I realized how heartbroken I felt, seeing that I possibly just destroyed any relationship I may have with him or anyone at the school that I was some freaky mind-reading girl. I couldn't read minds, not really. I knew he wasn't horrible enough to tell people about my scars. I knew he'd rather die before doing that, even if we ended up hating each other. But it was oh so possible to let slip how well I could read emotions.

I sat there in cold misery, feeling a relapse coming on. An urge to self-harm. One I haven't had in forever.  But I was just too tired. Too beat to do anything other than lay down and cry. I pulled a book that Marcie thoughtfully packed of my bag, and sat reading the horror novel, thinking in the back of my mind that it wasn't as horrific as I felt right now.

***

        "Matt. It's morning, we should go home." I said, touching his shoulder gently. I sneezed. I definitely had a cold. I felt even worse now, with barely any sleep, a pounding headache, and full of bitterness and negative thoughts that sat with me for the past few hours.

He woke up, and I gathered up everything, then out of courtesy, waited until he could sense where I was before I walked out of the tent. I pulled the tarp off of my truck, revealing the cooler of now probably old food soaking in what used to be ice, and a very damp blanket. I threw our sleeping bags and gave Matt his phone back, then threw the bags in the back. I then pulled on the clothes I wore yesterday over my swimsuit, and opened the door for Matt before climbing in the truck and unintentionally slamming the door.

The ride back was silent, and I felt confusion at first from him as to why I was giving him the silent treatment, but then understanding and realization and now unsureness came towards me. He remembered.

I didn't say bye, nor did he when I dropped him off in front of his house.

When I pulled into the driveway and walked inside, my parents were sitting there, both cross-armed and very angry. Oh..no...I was not in the mood for this.

        "Emilee, explain why you weren't in bed last night." My mom said.

I opened my mouth to explain, then closed it again. How on earth could I explain this? It's not like I chose to be forcefully taken to the beach.

        "I told you, I went to Jane's house." I said, quickly remembering that that was my cover up.

        "Then how come when Jane's mother answered the phone, she said you weren't there?" Dad asked. Okay I had no reply for that one.

If only Marcie would come out of her room and save me.

As if hearing my prayers, she did a few moments later, and her eyes widened at the sight of me here, and I gave her a silent message help. explain. now.

        "It was all my idea. Matt wanted to surprise her so we like blindfolded her and took her to the beach for like a nice surprise but-" She was cut off.

        "You mean to tell me that my sixteen year old daughter was out of town over night with a boy she doesn't even know?!?!?!" My dad shouted. I flinched, and Marcie sunk back a little.

        "We didn't do anything, really. I promise." I say in my most sincere voice possible, using their emotions of trust in me and pushing them towards them. It was a cheap try, but it managed to work because they visibly relaxed.

        "That still doesn't mean you aren't in huge trouble young lady. You're grounded for a month. School then home. No friends houses, no phone, no allowance, no shopping. Marcie, no shopping because you planned this. And you aren't allowed to talk to that boy for the month either." Mom finished. I frowned.

        "Good, I don't want to." I felt my voice break and I looked away. I felt worry and pity and curiosity come towards me and I managed to cover it up by having a small sneezing fit. Great.

        "I heard there was a thunderstorm in the beach last night. Great. Get into a hot shower and dry clothes young lady. You're still grounded." Dad said.

I walked past them and Marcie, who clearly wanted an explanation, but I ignored her as I shut my door and took my clothes off, and swimsuit, and changed into pajamas. I then lay in my hammock and turned my music on, putting on my giant headphones I used to block out any sound.

I then cried.