The New Girl

Chapter 19-You're Not Sorry

That night,I dreamed of Kate and Harry having sex.I woke up,cold and sweating.Screw you,Harry!There's so many questions I need to ask!But,I have a feeling I'd be disappointed.He was obviously playing me.I feel like a total idiot.To think that I actually thought he loved me!I was such a fool.I told you!He is and always will be a manwhore!Never ever ever trust him!

But he did love me,right?Maybe,he couldn't resist Kate.Or maybe you were never the first choice.He just needed to play you.And he got it easy.Too easy.

I woke up at 9 am.I rubbed my eyes.And there was someone at my desk chair."Amanda,I'm really-"

"Shut the hell up!What the hell are you doing here?!"

"I know you need sp-"

"Harry,get out!"

"Amanda,please!Just listen!"Harry said,getting off the chair.

"I don't-"And Harry interrupted me.

"Please,let me explain."His eyes were puffy,as if he's been crying.As if!Those are fake tears!Maybe,he pepper sprayed his eyes,just for your sympathy!But,then again,who the hell would do that?

"Just listen to me.I can explain.Okay?"He walked over to me in just two steps.

I looked at him with much doubt.He seemed to be really concerned,not like the sex-craving manwhore everyone says he is.And finally,I said,"Okay."

"I know you thought that I was playing you,treating you like a doll.I know you loved me,and I sure do know that I do-"

"That's bullshit!"I blurted out.

"I'm in midst of a soliloquy!Please don't interrupt me."His face was crinkled in a cute way and I almost wanted to laugh.

"As you were saying......?"I raised my eyebrows,indicating him to continue.

"As I was saying,I love you present tense,and I never meant to hurt you.I loved you,I love you,I will always love you and-"

"Okay,okay!You 'love' me!Get to the point!"I said,slightly annoyed.

"I don't love you with quote marks,I love you with all my heart.I love you like....Niall loves Riley!Oh,no that's bad."He looked really flummoxed.I resisted kissing him,as I'm supposed to be mad at him.Don't get me wrong,I'm still angry but he looks so cute!Pull yourself together!He's trying to get your sympathy and he getting it!

"What about getting a blowjob,or even fucking Kate?What about that?"Normally,I'd flinch when I say those words but....

Harry winced,as if he's been punched."That blowjob was purely accidental!I didn't want it,I didn't do it.She just came at me."

"But you liked it,didn't you?"That question threw him on a loop.

"I-I..."

"You did!"

"Look,that's not the point-"

"And did you-"

"Amanda,please-"

"Kate wanted it and you let her-"

"I didn't-"

"You were saying her name-"

"Amanda-"

"You wanted her to do it!You would have protested if you loved me-"

"SHUT UP!"He yelled,sobbing."I thought she wouldn't dare,I thought she changed!"

"And I thought you loved me!"I fumed.

"Amanda,please don't say that.I love you,please don't,don't do this to me,I love you!"

"I'm sorry,Harry,I had enough.What you did was totally horrible.I thought you would change for me,but I was wrong.Now,look where that got me.And....can you go,please?"

"Amanda,I love you."

"Just go."

"Amanda,please,I beg you-"

"Harry,I'm so sorry,but you need to go.I need some time to think and-and get a hold of myself."

"Of-of course.I respect that.I respect that you need some distance.I'll go then.Just....please think about it."

"Yeah..."And Harry climbed out through the window.

As soon as he left,I went into my bathroom.I locked the door and grabbed my blade.The urge to cut is too great.And I did.Again and again.Cutting on my arms,wherever I can.Whatever space I have to cut,I cut.And it felt good.

I heard my phone ring.I reluctantly stopped cutting and picked up the phone from my bedside table.It was Eleanor."Hello?"

"Amanda,are you okay?"Her voice was filled with concern.

"Y-yeah,I'm fine."

"I heard what Harry and Kate did.I'm so sorry."

"Yeah...me too."And I hung up on her.

A few minutes later,Riley called."Where's that son of a bitch,I swear,I'm gonna stab him with my goddamn butter knife!"Oh Riley.

"Riley..."

"Oh,right.Hey.Um....I know you need to have some 'alone time' and I'm not gonna disturb ya.But...I just wanna say that we're all here for you,okay?"

"Yeah.Thanks Riley."I hung up on her.I guess I'll be hanging up on everyone right now.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"There she is!"

"Harry's new plaything."

"I heard Kate gave Harry a blowjob and she saw it!"

"Poor girl.She never saw it coming."

"What a stupid girl!She would've heard of Harry's bad boy player status by now!"

"Well,serves her right!Americans are goddamn arses!"

I had the privilege to hear all that bullshit in school the next day.And Kate was sucking up to it.

She even had the 'decency' to drop by our table at Costa."Oh,daarling,I'm absolutely sorry for you to see that.I know you were stupid enough to believe his 'love' for you!"And she left cackling.

"Don't listen to that bitch."Perrie said,stabbing her red velvet cake."She thinks she's oh-so-perfect.She's a total slutty twat whore."

"Gee,Pez.When did you get that swearing spout from?"Zayn said.

"What I don't get about this Kate-Harry-Amanda thing is,why would he hurt you if he loved you?"Niall said,sipping his latte.

"Easy.He never loved her."Louis said.

"Lou."Eleanor eyed Louis,horrified.

"What?For all we know,it's probably the truth!"And what if it was?What would that make me?The stupid girl who fell for the deceiving bad boy player?