Supernatural Imagines 2

{42} Castiel

Requested by: Dean-Is-Gay

Imagine: Castiel finds out that the reader is dealing with some mental health issues and self-love stuff and he tries to convince her to love herself by accidentally saying he loves her.

Trigger Warning -- Mentions of self-hate and self-harm

You had had these thoughts for as long as you could remember. It's not like you asked them to be there, but yet they refused to go away. They were there when you woke up in the morning and looked at yourself in the mirror. They were there when you got in the shower and had to see yourself. They were there when someone handed you a plate of food, and despite the fact that you were hungry, you refused to eat.

No one knew about these thoughts except for you. It was getting harder and harder though to keep it a secret. You lived with two men named Sam and Dean Winchester in their secret Bunker. They had always been so kind to you. You considered them family. But you would never tell them about the thoughts that ran through your mind. They would judge you.

Then there was their angel friend, Castiel. From the moment you had met him, he took your breath away. He was astonishing in every single way. He appeared distant to you at first but was always watching you as if he was trying to figure you out.

It took him a while to actually start talking to you, but once he did the two of you grew closer. There was an undeniable attraction between the two of you, and you began falling for him. But then there were those thoughts. Those thoughts reminded you that you had no chance with such a perfect being. But, you still couldn't help but feel the way you did. Again, you would never tell Cas about the thoughts, but you wanted to.

You wanted to show him the damage inside of you so that with one look or one touch he could heal you. But, you knew that was never going to happen.

______________

You were sitting in your bedroom in the Bunker, tears streaming down your face as you heard shouting from the other side of the door.

It had been a long couple of days. You had gone on a hunt with the three boys, and you were all pushed to your max trying to find out what the monster was and how to kill it in a specific time limit. You were all exhausted, you more than the others.

They had asked you to be look-out and you gladly accepted, ready to help in any way you could. You were standing there by yourself and a wave of tiredness hit you. So, you closed your eyes for only a moment. But that moment had catastrophic consequences.

The moment you closed your eyes, the monster attacked and threw you very hard across the empty lot in front of the building you had been standing in front of. It then went in, catching everyone off guard and badly injuring Sam.

Luckily, Cas was there to heal Sam, so he ended up being fine, and Dean had killed the monster. But, you knew you had messed up. When Dean approached you, you tried to explain what had happened, but it only made him more furious.

He began to yell things about how irresponsible you were and how you almost got everyone killed. Everyone then entered the Impala in silence and you did everything you could to keep it together inside the car. But, as soon as you got to the Bunker, you jumped out of the car and raced to your bedroom, locking the door.

The three boys came in soon after and Sam went to bed right away, the hunt taking a lot out of him. Dean, however, began saying things out anger. Things he knew he didn't mean, but things that you thought he meant.

He began yelling about how you were reckless and a danger to everyone. He yelled about how you screwed up and how you always did things like this. Tears began flowing down your face as you sat on your bed with your head in your hands.