Anxiety seems so natural.
How does everyone not feel this?
How do they not run through every scenario, each one worse than the last?
These are thought spirals.
I thought everyone had them.
Not everyone is too anxious for weeks to ask your teacher for money for the fundraiser they bought something from.
Not everyone is too anxious to walk to the other side of the classroom to get tape.
I can walk on stage and own it.
I can do anything on that stage.
The minute I leave?
I become a cesspool of anxiety and fear.
I recede into a shell of myself so as not to come off too strong.
Or too loud.
Or too annoying.
Or too petty.
Or too submissive.
Or too dominant.
Yet even hours after everything has happened, I go back.
I think over everything that happened.
I think what I could've done better.
I think of how embarrassed I should've been for saying that.
I think of how those people are probably making fun of me, or thinking how weird I am.
I think and I think and I think.
Onwards.
Down and down I go into the spiral.
