YOUR HAPPINESS OVER MINE ↠ DANIEL SEAVEY

26: Numb

It's been days, weeks, months, and not a single words from Daniel. Ali has been trying to keep track with the boys while Kendra has been constantly keeping an eye on me. I was utterly disappointed after those moments.

I vividly remember crawling into my room shunning everyone from seeing my sadness. Every time I looked in the mirror, I thought I saw the devil in my reflection. The numbing feeling of regret and sorrow filled my body to the brim as it explodes in emotions every night.

The sound of weeping surrounded by darkness from my bedroom still clogs my ears and my mind mimicked the repetitive look of disappointment Daniel's face held. It was all I could think of. I spend hours late at night thinking maybe — just maybe — one text could solve our problems. One text could fix our sadness. Three little words could cure this event, yet I stood there knowing it couldn't.

I've had unsent text messages, crumpled letters, and all sorts of writings to obtain my feelings, but it never made it to him; and it never will. I couldn't allow myself to reach out to him when I knew this was all my fault. I couldn't allow myself to talk to him knowing I was a source of hurt.

Kendra told me she didn't have much information. Every time she would ask about it to Jonah, nothing was mentioned. It's like the two short words of "I'm sorry" ended our relationship so quickly. Those two words caused a furious divide between the two of us.

It's only been two months since that night.

I still look at old pictures of us thinking that maybe he would reach out. A part of me hoped he would, but another told me he won't. Why would you go back to someone who hurt you so badly? Why would you go back to someone to relive the constant pain? Why would you go back to someone that is afraid of love?

I was too afraid. I knew that I loved him, but after telling him those few words I would be locked in for heartbreak and torture.

The fabric leaned on my skin searching for the breeze outside the classroom window. My attention wasn't caught to my math class — it never is anymore. I sniffed the sleeves of the familiar sweater I've been wearing for weeks. His scent still lingers on it. It's been constantly on my body through the hot California weather — yet I couldn't take it off. It was my only remembrance of our old times.

People knew about our fight; it was quite obvious. Posted all over social media, most people had given me a shy smile seeing the barefaced mess I wasn't afraid to hide. Some believed our supposed breakup was my fault as others suspected it was Daniel's. In the end, I was still walking through the halls completely heartbroken.

Ali said time would heal the wounds, but I felt the same pain I did in the beginning. I'm constantly reminded that everything happens for a reason, but maybe it would have ended differently if I fought for a reason. I don't know, maybe I was crazy or maybe I was overthinking it — but overthink was something I was best at doing.

"Enna?" Nika called as my attention immediately gripped to the discussion.

She gave me a dry smile telling me call ended as I followed her out the building. She gave me that nickname the first day she met me, but not many people decided to use it. Nika knew about the whole situation and was someone I had in all my classes — unlike Kendra.

I followed the kind-hearted girl to the lunchroom tables meeting Kendra and Mason. Arianna was waiting in line, but quickly ran to my side when she was finished. Everyone knew about the situation here; Arianna and Mason wanted me to wait until he calls me, but Kendra and Nika told me to do it myself.

Maybe it was the humility that kept me from dialing his number or maybe it was the fear we had grown apart. Besides, I don't even think we are a couple anymore. The gossip has come and gone, but it never really phased me. I was too caught up in my own mind to care about what others were thinking.