Dear Pen Pal (Lams)

27. A Day in John's Life

an: guys i just wanna inform you that
DEAR PEN PAL ISNT OVER YET!
just because i don't update right away doesn't mean the story ended! i would never end the story with john and alex never talking again and eliza and alex dating. it's obvious that alex doesn't like eliza in that way. PLUS in the title of this fanfic it says " (Lams) " it even says that in the cover. it literally shows john and alex in the cover. moral of this paragraph(??idkwhattocallthis??)
dear pen pal isn't over, and hamliza is gonna die and lams will rise

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I look around. I see him. I see him standing there. The guy that I have feelings for. The guy that I am into.

"Alex! I can't believe it's you!" I say, grabbing his shoulder.

He was facing the other way. My face towards his back. I shake him once more.

"Alex..?" I repeat.

"How could you think I would feel the same way towards you?" He turned around.

"W-What? How did you know-"

"Why would I ever love a guy like you?" he stepped closer.

"Don't do this.." I cry.

"Do what? Tell the truth? John, it isn't my fault your life is a piece of shit." He snickered.

"Stop.." I muttered.

"It's not my fault your mother died. It's not my fault that your dad is a nightmare. It's not my fault the your only good friends left you alone at your horrid school." He continued. I was covering my ears.

"Stop!" I sob.

"It isn't MY fault that I could never feel the same way back!"

"I SAID STOP."

...

I dart up. W-What happened? I look around, I'm in my bedroom. I had a fucking nightmare.

I take deep breaths. I needed to calm down so I got off my bed and went to the bathroom.

I splash water in my face then used a towel to dry myself. Then I look at myself in the mirror. I looked at who I am.

I can't stop thinking about the things Alex said in my dream. It made me realize how broken I am. How much my life is shit.

Sometimes I feel like I should run away or something. Restart my life because it doesn't seem like it's gonna get any better.

I go back into my room. I check the time, 5:37 am. I then check my notifications.

alex: Why can't you tell me what I did?

alex: What's wrong?

alex: Why does my relationship with Eliza upset you so much?

alex: John please.

alex: I miss you.

alex: You're my best friend.

15 missed calls from alex

"Best friend.." I muttered.

I hate to leave him confused like this. But I can't hear his voice, or talk to him, or see him. It just breaks my heart. I can't handle the feeling to tell him I like him and humiliate myself when he says he doesn't like me back.

I need to get this off my mind. I put my phone back on my side table and go back to sleep. It takes me a while but I eventually fall asleep.

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