Suicide - gd

Chapter 4

This chapter contains self harm so be aware

*ring ring* I was woken up by the harsh ringing of my phone. I groaned as I reached over , grabbed it and answered it.

"Hello?" I spoke as my raspy voice was sent through the phone.

"Lou?" The familiar voice of my Mum filled my ears and immediately my eyes lit up , sending happiness shivering through my body. I wasn't used to this feeling.

Even though my parents were barely here and practically left me all alone , I still missed them a lot.

"Mum?!"
"Yes honey it's me, how are you?"
"I'm fine what about you ?"
"We are good thankyou."
"Oh um..."
"What is it Louisa ?" A worried tone plastered across her voice.
"So I acted up in school again.
And they got me a counsellor."
She sighed , "you need to start behaving Lou, with me and dad away u have to be more independent - like other girls."
Anger filled my body as the words left her mouth.
"Well maybe if you were around more , I would behave more !!"
"Sweetheart-"
"No. I'm a child Mum . I shouldn't have to be independent . Not as much as you all want me to be."
"Lou that's not what I meant."
"You blame it all on me. I have no one to talk to : no friends and my family seems to hate me. I spend my days alone wondering if I'll ever get out of this depression , wonder if I'll ever find friends , a boyfriend even. And all you can tell me is to be more 'independent' ?" I don't know what got into me but sendenly everything I have been holding in cane out.
"Lou , it's not our fault ! Our job is-"
"More important than your daughter ? Well , don't bother coming to visit on the one day of the week you pretend to care. I don't want to see you again , I'm done with your shit." My vision is blurry as tears start building up in my eyes.
"Please Louisa , we try our best." My mums voice is now quiet , like she's trying to hold back tears.
"Try harder."
"Lou-"
"Save it." And with that I hang up.

As my finger presses the end call button I feel my emotions take over as my eyes betray me and sobs fill the room. I collapse on my bed and my salty tears drip down my face as I attemp to wipe them away - soon giving up.

I can't take it anymore , I have no friends no family and I'm shit at school. What's the point ?? I rush to the bathroom , approaching the mirror and stare at my reflection in front of me. I hate it . A lot of people would say I'm perfect . I'm skinny , pretty and have boobs and an ass too. But all I see is a failure. An attempt of a human. Thoughts clouded my head .

Suddenly a sharp pain shot through my body as I look down at my cut and bloody knuckles and back up at the shattered mirror before me. I start to cry even more than before.

Why me?

"Why are you such a disappointment of a human being Louisa !?" I shouted to myself .

Without hesitation I grab a piece of the mirror and place it above my bare , right arm . I squint my eyes tightly closed as pain shoots through my body , and my arm. A mixture of my tears and blood lay in muffled puddles on the floor and splattered across my arm.

Shit . What have I done. As I walk over to the sink , my hands clasp the sides for support until my bones feel weak and damaged. I collapse on the bathroom floor as blood  leaves my body, fleeing. I feel dizzy and my vision goes blurry.

Darkness

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