Spring Day | BTS ✔

09

"
"Kook?" I rolled my eyes at the familiar voice as I stood up. I pulled my sweater on. I shouldn't even be wearing sweaters at this time of year. It was spring for crying out loud, I should be wearing tank tops already.

"What is it?" I looked back at the girl as she flashed what was supposed to be a flirty smile. I grimaced.

"Can't we have round two before you leave?" I turned away from her and pulled my boots on.

"No," I stood up and grabbed my keys, "And I want you gone by the time I get back."

I shut the door to my apartment, lungs feeling like lead as began making a walk I never thought I would take in a century. The last few years had been a downward spiral masked by a steady job, friends, and becoming what one might call a 'player'.

Anytime the guilt got to me, even after all this time, I would find someone to fill that space with lust instead. I wasn't happy or proud with it. Really, it never made me feel better in the end and the guilt was still there. After four years, I really should have sucked it up and moved on, but they were the ones who raised me really so how could I.

My parents were happy when I finally walked away from them all, especially my mom. I never needed to ask why. Mom would always tell me it was because she knew they were a bad influence. As if she had anything to say about that. My mother and father were never there and when I finally found six others to replace them, then they started caring. Mom was a druggie and something of a whore. Dad was a wealthy businessman who covered up her wrong doings instead of fixing them. He also hated his only son because he was different and disliked at school.

Parents of the year, folks.

When I saw the news about the car crash, I almost brushed it off until the name 'Kim Namjoon' was said. I wanted to ignore it all but the guilt in my chest became too much to just brush it all off. I wanted to forget I ever heard the name and that he was recovering in the hospital not a walking distance away from my apartment.

I tried to keep it out of my head and sleep off the guilt with some random coworker who'd been trying to flirt with me since I started working at the studios. I tried to wake up and smile and say that I wasn't guilty at all. But, of course I couldn't.

So, instead I took a shower and got dressed. I told the coworker to screw off by the time I got back and now here I am, walking down the block without an umbrella.

I needed to say I was sorry, at least to one of them. I knew the things I said were unforgivable, even as childish as they were. But the longer time goes on, hating each other, the more childish words become hate fire.

I felt tears stream down my face and I was thankful for two things. The first being the rain for masking them and the second being that I no longer were eyeliner religiously. I'm so sorry, Namjoon.

I felt my feet pick up underneath me and before I knew it, I was racing traffic down the street towards the hospital. I didn't care about the weird looks I got. I needed to see one of them again. I needed to see my family again, though I was sure they'd want nothing to do with me anymore.

Four years pushed us even further apart than we already were just like how snowflakes fall down and get farther away little by little. I miss you. I miss all of you. I need to say I'm sorry. I'm so goddamn sorry.

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Ooo we gettin angsty ehhehehhh 😈