Spring Day | BTS ✔

29

"One more time," I held my finger over my windpipe again, "It's so easy, Jimin. Then everything will be over."

Tears felt hot on my cheeks as I tried willing my arms to press down on my throat one more time. I sighed and then screamed in frustration as I abruptly stood up from my position. I couldn't do it.

"Why can't I do it?" I cried, falling to the floor in frustration. I wanted to throw something, or break something, but I couldn't do much of anything other than injure my physical form in this state.

"I just want to leave," I whispered as I buried my face in my knees.

"I told you, you aren't ready, Jimin," I snapped my head up, glaring at the eleven year old girl. I didn't even know her name, yet she seemed insistent on staying by my side during all of this, disappearing for only a few minutes at a time only to come back with more reasons for me to stay.

"How do you know?" I shot poison in my words.

"Because I do," she deadpanned, face going from soft concern to a blank, but annoyed, stare, "Just wake up already. Can't you see that you're hurting them?"

"They hurt me too," I mumbled.

"And they've already paid for it. I know you can see that. Jin is depressed and cutting a tic mark on his wrist each day to get through the months and yet here he is, more hopeful than ever that tomorrow you'll wake up. Namjoon wanted only to make amends so he could end his own suffering peacefully and yet here he is, still hanging on and recovering for a chance to know you're okay. Yoongi's almost alcoholic trying to fend off the guilt and pain of leaving, he even put you in this state by accident because of it, but he's still here wanting nothing more than to fix his mistakes. Taehyung is still here, like always, and he's getting over the hatred and anger in his heart that ended up driving you two away. Hoseok is here too, wanting you to wake up so he might be able to get some real rest for the first time in four years. What do you think you leaving will do? It'll help your pain. But what about theirs?"

I stayed quiet, not wanting to upset the girl who was fuming as she sat on the end of my bed any further. I slammed my head against the room door, not that it did anything in either plane of existence.

"I've spent my entire life worrying about the pain of others," I whispered into the silence finally, "Why can't I think about my own for once?"

The girl sighed.

"Because that's not who you are, Jimin."

I looked at her without picking my head up off the door.

"You're a selfless person. Everyone else always comes first, no matter what. It's admirable really," she stood up and sidled herself next to my side before she continued, "But you don't let anyone else handle your pain with you because you don't want to be a burden. That's your biggest downfall. They want to bare your pain with you if it means that you'll be happy again Jimin."

She gestured to the six sitting around the room.

"The choice is yours Jimin. Stay...leave...it doesn't matter in the end really," she stood up, "We all die one day anyways. It's whether or not we choose to leave that really matters. I'll be there to see you if you choose to leave. I'll go there to meet you wherever we may end up after this life. I'll come for you, so neither of us has to face what comes after alone. But if you choose to stay, please make me a promise?"

I looked up at her and nodded.

"Let them bare your pain too," I nodded but she continued, "And don't let me be alone after everything."

I wasn't sure what she meant, but I nodded anyways.

I met my eyes with hers, "I'll come for you wherever we both end up when we wake up."

She smiled and then disappeared from the room again.