Spring Day | BTS ✔

16

I heard the weird muffling of talking from down the hall as I walked back from the children's play room once again. I looked up as I came upon the source. I froze at the sight in front of me.

There they all were. Their faces were foreign after so long, all except for Taehyung. Eyeliner and black was replaced in each of them. If I hadn't been shocked by Namjoon's transformation from black street style clothes to a red pull-over under his jacket, tanned skin, caramel hair, and light-washed jeans, I sure was now.

Hoseok looked softer than he used to, but the bags under his eyes and the way his laugh lines seemed to have almost completely disappeared gave his brighter clothes a tired and sad undertone. Yoongi wore a fuzzy pink sweater over rolled jeans and converse, things he hated once upon a time. His hair was still black, but it wasn't hidden under a beanie or snapback anymore. Even his hazel colored contacts couldn't hide the guilt behind them, though. Of course, I knew it was him who'd caused us to crash but the smell of beer on him when I made my way down from the tree was only one reason to forgive him.

Jin looked a lot more powerful, even in baby pink scrubs. He wasn't hiding in the group anymore. He looked softer and more at peace in the ward than he ever had with us. Even still, he couldn't hide the little marks on his wrists from beneath the cuffs of his white long-sleeve undershirt. Taehyung looked as he always did when we met for Sunday coffee. We had still become strangers, in a way. We were still friends and his presence here didn't surprise me, but I knew that after so long I couldn't lie to myself and say he hadn't left me too in a way.

The one who shocked me the most was Jungkook. Why was he, out of all of us, here at the ward?

They were talking but I could feel the tension even in whatever plane of existence I was in at the moment. After a few minutes, Jin awkwardly led them down the halls I'd acquainted myself with the past three days. I ran ahead and saw Namjoon sleeping restlessly. I tried shaking him, but nothing happened. I looked around until I saw my own form. Maybe I can do something to myself that will get Namjoon up.

I walked over and thought of the most painful thing I could do that might register even slightly in my solid form. I placed my thumb over my windpipe and pressed as hard as I could. I pulled away after nothing happened.

I sighed, watching the door handle turn to the room. Just as the door opened, the heart monitor connected to my form spiked and I fell to the ground. A euphoretic sensation flew through my head. I felt weightless, painless. It was like every knotted muscle, stress line, eye bag, and anything else that made my physical body ache so often that I had become used to it, just lifted away. A rush of energy flooded my senses and I couldn't help smiling at how nice it felt.

Then it all came crashing away. I opened my eyes, my throat burning harshly as every pain I'd come accustomed to reentered my body. I felt tortured. I saw Jin pull a needle filled with some sort of clear liquid from the drip of my IV. He turned and seemed to explain something to the others. Whatever happened, I knew it was because of what I had done to my physical body. Judging from the expressions in the room, I think I might've almost died. I pinched my physical arm just to check. The rush returned a moment later, in a much smaller dose and the heart monitor spiked again, but only for a moment.

I had almost died it seemed. I felt scared, for a moment, that I liked the rush that death had brought me. I wanted more of it, and it scared me because that meant that I wanted to die. Worst of all was when I looked around the room at the old faces of once friends and I thought to myself that death was way better than hoping to ever have my friends back, my family.

We were all too different now. Too grown up and experienced in the ways of the world to form any bond further than Sunday coffee. I let the tears fall, knowing no one could see them since no one could see me...except for the children's ward girl – maybe.

We are changed you know...just like everyone, you know.

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Today will be a double update becuz I want to /update will be around 6 or 7pm so in like 7 or 8 hours lol/