give me love ✧ max mills

two | a new chapter

m a x

i went back into school and sat down with my friends like nothing happened. "dude you were gone for like 15 minutes. where'd you go because the bathroom isn't a valid answer," julian spoke as i sat down. "um," i said, gulping and breathing out. i'm seriously super stressed. it's not like i want to be a dad. i'm a senior. 18. isn't it a little early?

"i just went to hook up with some girl. she's hot," i say, not looking at him. all the girls at the table looked jealous. who could blame them. "that's my boy!" julian said with a smile. "what's her name?" he asked. i'm recognized as a player so i went with a player answer. "i don't even know," i said with a laugh. a fake laugh actually.

"i knew you still had it! i wasn't so sure after your last hook up with whoever it was a little bit ago, but this is great!" julian replied, patting my back with honor. yeah yeah. he was referring to grace, although he didn't know it was her i'd hooked up with.

i smiled and laughed. i then nodded. words for my feelings couldn't show or come out. this is too crazy. honestly, i just want my old life back. i shouldn't have gone to that party. i shouldn't have gotten drunk. and i definitely shouldn't have slept with grace simon.

i'm a screw up.

-

the last two blocks after lunch passed quickly. i didn't pay attention today. well, to be honest, i don't usually pay attention, but i did actually have something more important to think about today.

after class, i left after saying bye to my friends and sat in my car, waiting for harvey. i needed to vent and he's the only one i can vent to. it's like a sacred twin code for me.

we help eachother out.

after he finally got in after five minutes, i began to drive without speaking. "bro you okay?" he asked, looking at me after a few moments. "no," i replied, keeping my eyes on the road.

once home, harvey and i sat in our driveway in the car to talk about today.

"don't freak out," i say, knowing he would anyway, this would just soften the blow.

"oh god. what've you done?" harvey worriedly asked. he read me like a book.

how do i say this? do i just come out and say it or do i mumble it or something? there's not a good way to announce this.

"i'm going to be a dad," i say, looking out the window, my hands pinching eachother.

"what the-" harvey said, cutting himself off before he finished. "you mean...you knocked someone up?" he asked shocked. i nodded and looked at him.

"wow man," he said, looking down. "you've done it now."

"i know," i said, ashamed.

"max, no matter how horribly you've slipped up, i'm here okay? we're twins. we have that special bond that no one will ever understand. it's okay. it'll work out," he says, looking at me again, trying to reassure my doubts.

"i'm scared. i'm never scared but this is horrible harvey! i mean, i even told the girl i don't want anything to do with it! that's how scared i really am. being tough and 'bad' is really hard. expectations label us but i just can't cope with this," i vent out.

he nods and glances out the window then at me. "i know you're scared. this situation to be in seems super scary and too crazy to deal with, but max, you're tough and you're a leader. you'll find a way through it just like you always do. but you can't have nothing to do with the baby. it's yours. you have to be there because you'll regret it if not. and the mum surely can't go through it alone, especially when she goes into labor! god that must be awful!" he replied, making me smile.

"i've already agreed to go to the doctors appointments with her," i added quietly.

he nodded. "that's a start. who's the mum?" he asked. i smiled nervously.

"oh god." he simply said, knowing it wasn't the person you'd think it was. anyone would think it's sarah because she's been into me since tenth year, but it's definitely not sarah.

"grace simon," i mumbled.

"max! what the heck?! when have you guys ever talked before now? you got a person you don't even know pregnant? max!" he shamed me.

he and grace were more compatible than grace and i were. i think harvey and she have actually talked a few times. funny, i know.

i just sat there, aimlessly staring at our bushes. i'm too ashamed of myself.

"i've only talked to her today and at that party a bit ago," i told him.

he shook his head.

"this is crazy," he said, moving his hands up and down, exclaiming it.

"i know i know. i'm sorry for being a horrible brother," i said, actually wanting to cry. what's happening to me?

"you're not. you're just a player max. if you don't stop you'll have six kids from five different people," he said.

i thought of that horrific idea for a little while then shook my head. i can't be that person. i'm not living that life when i'm older. not a chance. this is my first mistake, i'm not going to make more.

-

after harvey and i talked a little longer, we both went inside and to our separate rooms. since our brother, leo, goes to a boarding school, our parents finally let us move his stuff into the garage since it's never used. hah take that leo!

i just lay there, thinking of how i'd get through this. i had to start with my first problem, mine and grace's relationship. if we're gonna parent together, we at least have to communicate.

this is a new chapter, a chapter i'm not ready for.