give me love ✧ max mills

eighteen | better

m a x

"hey! it's grace! sorry i couldn't answer right now, but if you leave me a voicemail i'll call back as soon as i can! have a great day."

i hung up aggressively.

"DANG." i yelled, frustrated.

"WHY ARE YOU YELLING?" harvey yelled from his bedroom across the hall.

"BECAUSE GRACE WON'T PICK UP THE PHONE." i replied, even more frustrated.

"MAYBE SHE'S ASLEEP." harvey shot back, acting as if i was ever so stupid.

"HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?" i asked, briskly walking into his room and staring at him. it was 2 pm so i highly doubted what harvey said, but still.

"i don't." he simply replied, stopping the argument that was going on. i felt my face become confused as i stared at him. he looked up from his phone and rolled his eyes. "what'd you do this time?" he asked, as he put his phone down and sighed while getting up and going into his bathroom.

"i have no idea," i replied, sitting down on his bed and watching as he fixed his hair. "is that really necessary?" i asked, both of my hands gripping the bed.

harvey rolled his eyes. "gotta make my masterpiece worthy of being..well, a masterpiece," he replied with a short smile.

"well can you hurry up so we can go see grace?" i asked, growing more impatient.

g r a c e

max has called 17 times in the past ten minutes. i've watched my phone ring each time with tears running down my face. and it's raining outside, making everything so much more worse than it already is.

i wiped my eyes and looked out of the window, thinking about last night. i thought about how everything was finally coming together after so much, and then in an instant, it was all torn apart once again.

i wondered if i should just give up the twins for adoption because max didn't seem reliable, and i couldn't possibly raise them alone. i couldn't let two innocent babies grow up unknowing because i messed up.

my mind went blank after a while, so i remembered just staring out of my window until i silently dozed off. but sleep was a relief at this point.

m a x

"max slow down!" harvey said urgently.

"harvey i'm not even going that fast," i replied, rolling my eyes again.

"nah..not fast..only 20 freakin' miles over the speed limit..nO bIgGy," harvey sarcastically shot back at me.

i rolled my eyes at him and his sarcastic reply. "why are you even coming anyway?" i asked, trying to get off of the speeding conversation.

"because grace is my bestie," harvey replied, scrolling through instagram on his phone. he stopped on a picture, eyed it for a few seconds, then gasped. "you're bestie?" i asked with a chuckle. "mhmmm," he replied, his mind obviously not paying attention to me anymore.

"max.." he quietly said.

"what?!" i replied, scared all of a sudden.

"you were drunk last night. what did you do?" he said, showing me the picture. i eyed it too for a few seconds and shook my head.
"how would grace have known about it anyway?" i asked, not wanting to believe that i broke my own rules and morals. "this cant be the reason." i stated, trying to convince myself more than harvey.

harvey quickly snatched my phone from the cup holder in the middle of us and searched through it. "what are you doing?" i asked, glancing over at him a few times. "i'm piecing this together!" he replied in annoyance.

he then stopped and played a voicemail out loud.

m a x' s
v o i c e m a i l

yooooo! what's u-up 'good-girl grace'
hahaaa
i want to...to tell youuuu just how freaking strange and-and like..like just down-right weird you are
haahhhhaahh
i bet you've n-never ever ever ever had anyone who's actually cared about youuu
i hope that you get this-this message...and-and you realize juuuust how much of a-a.....freak you actually are.
i mean, i don't even knooooowwww how i have your freaking digitsss
i mean, did-did you like...like steal my phone and put them in or somethin' ??
hahhhhaaa anywayyy,
lots of love, xoxo,
the one and only,
hot freakin' maxxxx millssssss

m a x

"oh my god.." i said, pulling over and pinching the bridge of my nose. "you sent that to her? you are such an IDIOT." harvey exclaimed. "you better fix this or else i swear i'm telling every single one of your stuck up friends what you and grace are keeping a secret max. i'm telling them about the babies, the hook-up, the dating. all of it." harvey threatened.

i pointed at him menacingly. "harvey you're not telling anyone about any of this or i'll-i'll.." i tried to come up with something to do to harvey, but honestly i knew i couldn't because all of this was my fault.

"you'll what max? get your posse to come beat me up? have at it max." he replied in frustration.

i stared at him for a few seconds in silence before looking down at my hands in my lap.

"harvey i don't know how to fix this anymore. i've messed up so many times, and grace, you, and even i am sick of it." i vented.

"max i don't know how you can fix it, but i mean you have to." he replied, putting my phone down and motioning for me to start the car up.

i nodded and drove toward grace's place, trying not to let my worry and regret show on my face in front harvey. i know we're twins, but i mean i need to act tough. i need to be the one who seems stronger than possible. i hate feeling weak or hurt. i hate the feeling more than anything except grace's hatred towards me. i hated that even more.

as i was driving to grace, i remembered ever single memory, big and small, we'd created in the past few months.

all of the laughs and love and feelings and sparks.

grace made me better—better than i ever was, and better than i'd ever be without her.

-

guys i'm literally so sorry for making you wait this long. i know you're probably annoyed and don't want to hear my excuse, but i'll give you one anyway.

i've been dealing with some rlly harsh personal things for the past two weeks and i honestly gave up a little bit—on everything rlly. 

i'm in such a low place rn and it hurts to just breathe. i'm sorry for everything :(

but

i love you guys so much and am so grateful and thankful to have some awesome people that think i'm great at this. tbh i just want to thank you for being semi-patient :) ily